The Infinite Possibilities in Saying “I Do”

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Decor for our road trip themed wedding.

I used to think that freedom meant boundlessness.

I used to think it was like looking at a vast horizon with every possibility in the world.

I used to think freedom meant the ability to choose literally anything at anytime… and to change my mind at the float of a feather.

I’m about to make the biggest commitment of my life, thus far. Next week I’m getting married.

I know many people who fear making a choice because it will limit their options. And I totally get that. I’ve been there.

But here’s what I’ve noticed of late:

Making a clear decision opens up a deeper level of freedom that you don’t get when you stay on the fence.

A clear ”No” frees us up to experience a “Hell yes!”

A firm boundary creates a safe territory in which we can express ourselves freely.

Laser focus allows us the freedom to go deeper than we ever would have with our buckshot attention firing at lots of things at once. 

There are billions of men on the planet. And yet I’m choosing one. 

This single decision frees me from having to make bazillions of decisions down the line.

Who am I going to spend holidays with? Mike.

Who am I going to go on dates with? Mike.

Who am I going to sleep next to? Mike.

Who am I going to wake up next to? Mike.

Who am I going to invest my mind, body, heart, and soul in for the rest of my life? Mike.

All of the decisions that this single decision is saving me free up heap-loads of time and energy. I can literally experience how spacious that feels in my body as I type this.

The time and energy we save when we’re willing to make a clear decision sets us free.

It’s what allows the static to finally silence so we can sink our teeth into something. It’s where the possibility of freedom begins. 

Everything rests on the surface until you make a choice.

Layers upon layers of unfathomable richness are available if, and only if, we have the courage to say yes or no.

Do we miss out on things when we get off the fence and make a clear move toward yes or no? You bet your bippy we do.

But right in this very moment you’re missing out on 99.99999% of what’s going on around the universe. So am I.

The fact is we can only be where we are. And if where we are is mired in half-baked commitments and half-made decisions, we’re not only missing out on everything that’s going on around the universe, we’re also missing out on the only moment we can possibly experience anyway: right now.

Next week I will walk down the aisle toward my man and toward the biggest decision of my life. As I do so, I will be making a bold and definitive choice to be all in.

It’s a choice that will close many doors, for sure.

But I cannot wait to experience the infinite freedom of the new doors that will swing wide open the moment we say, “I do.”

What are you ready to say “I do” to in your life? What are you ready to say “I don’t” to? When do you find you struggle with decisions the most? The least?

Please leave a comment below – I’d love to hear your experience.

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50 Responses to The Infinite Possibilities in Saying “I Do”

  1. Anne Ribley says:

    Such a beautifully freeing post to read!

  2. I’ve enjoyed this post more than anything else you’ve ever written. Society in general believes freedom comes at the expense of security and vice versa. You have beautifully explained that they are not mutually exclusive but co-exist and expand us when we embrace them in equal measure. Thank you.

  3. Deb Kern says:

    I’m so honored to be the godmother of this sacred container called your marriage, and I look forward to witnessing the miraculous alchemy that occurs within it <3 <3

  4. Audrey says:

    Congratulations & good luck! Tomorrow I celebrate my 5-year wedding anniversary. We have created such a strong foundation of love and confidence and support together, which has resonated in every way in my life. Maybe like you say, it’s because the freedom of not focusing on what could be allows you to enjoy the now and be more present in what actually is. These may be superficial things, but in those five years I started running marathons (and have since run 10 of them), got promoted twice, bought a home, travelled to various parts of Europe, Asia and Australia, learned two new languages & gotten into cooking. (I am not amazing at any of those things, but I am doing them on my level and enjoying them.) On a deeper level, I’ve raised money for charity, given lots more of my own, engaged & connected on different levels with so many more people and so much more of the universe. We are so much more together, united. I wish you two every happiness and joy together!

    • Tracie says:

      This is awesome and helpful. I knew it could be so! But part of me was fearing ‘entrapment’. Thank you for this comment! The specifics really are helping me “get it” in my body-mind/brain system and to be motivated to re-wire!
      “Maybe like you say, it’s because the freedom of not focusing on what could be allows you to enjoy the now and be more present in what actually is. These may be superficial things, but in those five years I started running marathons (and have since run 10 of them), got promoted twice, bought a home, travelled to various parts of Europe, Asia and Australia, learned two new languages & gotten into cooking.On a deeper level, I’ve raised money for charity, given lots more of my own, engaged & connected on different levels with so many more people and so much more of the universe. We are so much more together, united.” Wow! Yes! Congrats!

  5. connie curtis says:

    Jumping all in my business and relationship. I have been working long and hard on my health (food allergies) I am at the point that I am feeling good, have energy and a clear head. It makes a world of difference to do the thing you want to in the world. I am a coach for food allergies and I cant wait to make a difference with individuals in their journey. I am a startup and doing b school and getting all the things in place so I can talk to people about this. I never knew there was so much to get set up in coaching . the little things but I am moving forward.

  6. Jackie says:

    Kate,
    This is beautifully written as well as profound. How does only putting our toes in keep up from enjoying the water fully? Jump in!! I can see this eye-opening decision open possibilities on many fronts. Thank you so much for writing.
    Many good wishes and blessings to you and Mike. I know it will be a beautiful wedding.
    Jackie

  7. Veronica says:

    Kate. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS. Oh my goodness. I’m newly engaged (and excited about making a new family with my honey!) but the overwhelm of wedding planning — even the most preliminary stages — has already gotten to me. I went to bed last night so stressed and worried our of my mind.

    And then I woke up this morning and read this and just felt immediately elevated. And joyful. And grateful. And happy about what’s really on the horizon — not just a party, but a partnership, and the joy and freedom that comes with it. Thank you so much for this, Kate. I’ll be returning to this whenever wedding-planner anxiety gets the best of me.

  8. Banu says:

    Hi Kate,
    Congratulations!! I love this post! It was very timely for me. Making a choice and a decision to be all in has been hard for me. I am inspired by your experience. After years of not dating (as u shared in your book), you found someone you can say yes to. I can hear it in your language that you are happy. I am happy for you!!Thank you for sharing your joy and wisdom with us. Have fun on your honeymoon! ;)

  9. Grace B says:

    Kate, I totally agree! I’ve been making more concrete decisions lately — and trusting myself to make them — and it feels so good! I feel like a tree that is standing up taller and really deepening it’s roots.

    Thanks for an awesome post!

    And congrats to you and Mike! Very happy for you both.

  10. Mary-Christine Sandner says:

    My dearest Kate- once again divinely timed inspiration as I am facing an ‘I do’ to a new lifestyle and opportunities. I have been fighting it solely because of the fear of losing my ‘freedom’. Thank you again for reminding me that ‘freedom’ actually can expand with boundaries! Wishing you so much love, laughter, and joyous tears as you celebrate with Mike! Thank you both for sharing your gifts!

  11. Gorgeous Kate!

    This is one of the beautiful posts you’ve ever written. You can tell it comes straight from the depths of your soul. I loved reading it. Truly. It was crystal clear and deliciously heartfelt. Hats off to you.

    Re: the things I’m ready to say ‘I do’ to in my life, the BIGGEST by far is committing to finishing my debut book – THE BLISS BIBLE. I’ve been working on it for over a year and a half now and have conveniently found every glorious ‘distraction’ under the sun to waylay it. It’s been stop/start with the writing right from the get go. {P,S, Your wonderful sister, Ann, has been coaching me recently. How blessed am I],

    Two weeks ago, I made a very clear, intentional decision to make the finishing and publishing of my book in 2015 my No #1 priority. Not only has it been liberating in every sense to make this singular commitment, but all kinds of wonderful things have effortlessly just fallen into place. Huge winks from the Universe that I’m on the right track.

    Sending huge blessings to you and Mike for a lifetime of magic together.

    Have a fantastic day next week!

    Belinda xo

  12. Kat says:

    Dear Kate,

    What a beautiful piece of writing. Your wisdom and awareness of what lies before you is truly amazing! To see life from this perspective does indeed open new doors of opportunity, while allowing you to continue to be who you are at your core…speaking your truth from the heart.

    Thank You for sharing the ‘truths’ that are coming to you as you move forward in your life. I am grateful that you put them in writing, and allow us all a glimmer of the gold you unearth! You are a gift, and I appreciate You!!!

    Bountiful Blessings,
    Kat

  13. Helene says:

    Totally, absolutely, 100% true! What a great post, thank you. This is my experience of life on every level, especially in my marriage and with my children. Deciding what you want and making that clear choice allows me to be consistently true to myself and my values, every day. It keeps things simple and fun and open to change in a positive flow of love and acceptance. I learned this the hard way from my first marriage and I am ever grateful to my ex-husband for being a catalyst to my growth. Now, after 14 years with my “new” husband, it’s “I do” every day in every way for all five of us! Congratulations on your wedding, have fun and joy and pain and all manner of what life has to offer together.

  14. Meaghan says:

    Thank you Kate, as always you are such a gift. So excited for you and Mike. Sending you lovies!!

    I am so ready to say “I do” to this soul journey and not sit on the fence in that old pattern of fear. I commit 100% to the desires and boundless expansion of my soul and trust deeply in that commitment. I am my purpose and I will embody it until the end of time.

    Love you and thank you

  15. Elena says:

    Amen to that sister! I felt exactly the same when I made my decision to marry my wonderful husband two years ago! Greater opportunities arise because we can ‘move on’ with our lives!

  16. Leanne says:

    Amazing post, Kate. This one brought tears to my eyes, reminding me of how much freedom has come to my life from committing to my husband with an “I Do” almost 3 years ago :)

    • Tracie says:

      What a sweet note!

      Can you say more about the freedoms? I have a story of entrapment around relationships – especially marriage. Yet at the same time I get the freedom thing – in a delicate kind of way. Can you help me burn it in more solidly?

    • Kate says:

      I love that Leanne!

  17. Tracie says:

    I was so with you reading this great blog – now I want to know – please do tell – to keep me believing – What are those freedoms that are going to come from the big decision. I get that energy is freed up. Wow that makes sense to me. REALLY helping me with a life of indecision. Yet I want to know the specifics to keep my brain in the game, here.

    Thank you so so much. This really hit home!

  18. Kate, this is so beautiful and so true. The honest truth is that having tons of options is actually overwhelming and paralyzing most of the time. I personally feel far more FREE once I make a decision and fully commit. I love that you made this connection!

    Congrats in advance on your wedding! I’ve watched you and Mike together on the B-School affiliate follow-up webinars, and it’s obvious you belong together :) Wishing you TONS of happiness on your wedding day!

  19. danielle says:

    Thanks so much for this post Kate! I am a “fence sitter”, always wanting to keep my options open. In fact, I used to pride myself on avoiding commitments! But, I am no longer happy living half-in. I now choose to see making a decision as freeing instead of confining. My next big “I do” is saying YES to changing my business to reflect what I truly value and believe. Congrats to you and your lucky guy!

  20. Linda says:

    I said “no” to eating slaughterhouse/farm factory animals…”no” to eating animals, period. Wow. My head is clearer, my body healthier, and my spirit rejoices. And I know it helps non-humans, even if I am only one voice.❤️

  21. alex says:

    Congratulations!!!!!!!!!!!! Absolutely lovely post. When I met you and Mike your energy was just lovely to be around and I wish you two all the very very best. I have to say, getting married is the best decision I have ever made and it just gets better 10 years on.

  22. Kate says:

    Hi Kate,
    Wow. Beautiful post, one of the loveliest I’ve read recently. Marriage is a beautiful thing, and it sounds like you’re very prepared to say I Do. My husband and I are going through trying times at the moment, and this gave me a light of hope today, remembering why we got married in the first place. So, thank you :)

  23. Trac says:

    I have had the proverbial kick in the pants.
    I know I have been sitting on the fence ..for too long. Now, I don’t know how to get off it.
    As an introvert, I relish too much in the quiet and silence (comfort zone) and would love to write a book.
    I intentionally bought my own laptop to do this and everyday write short notes and observations.
    I feel like a mouse and sometimes I want to be an elephant!
    Blessings to you and Mike on your wedding day.

  24. Jen says:

    Beautiful post Kate! It was so well timed. I recently made the decision to leave my job and relocate to the same area as my boyfriend. I have always been a maximizer- constantly weighing my options and trying to pick the very “best” one, but this way of life left me stressed and always second guessing. I love the concept that choosing one thing can actually be freeing! I am so excited that I said yes to my relationship, and I look forward to deepening it every day!

    Thank you!

    • Kate says:

      It’s so true Jen – there really is no “best one” – there’s just making the best of the one you choose :)

  25. Ellen Greenlaw says:

    Ms. Cinderella,
    The culture we live in gives one to one male female relationships more press than any other with the expectation that this place will be where we find love. This is such a crock and damages relationships so much. Traditional marriage archetype is gone.
    See the 50% divorce rate. Partnership archetype is in the process of manifesting. I’d like to suggest that you focus on making this a true partnership AND keep looking for love out in the world.
    I remember when you first got together with this guy you were making a trip across the country. I was so excited to hear what you would experience- to consider the questions-
    What is nature? How do humans relate to nature? How then shall I live? Not sure he wasn’t a distraction from the process of considering nature and live. Best wishes and while you are out there in Maine please send back a post on “What is nature?”

  26. Wow Kate, thank you so much for such an awesome article. Seeing what I feel in words has helped me ‘get it’ on a whole different level. It’s all about freedom of choice and MAKING the choice that brings you freedom! When we can’t choose, we have no freedom at all, as you say, we are just floating around…and floating around is not freedom…

  27. Michelle says:

    Kate, you are such a breath of fresh air! Thank you so much. I say ‘I do’ to my gorgeous husband each and everyday. My second marriage is so wonderful and such a blessing to me and I am so grateful for this gorgeous man in my life every day. I still dance in our kitchen to our wedding song. Can’t wait to hear what your wedding song is?!
    My ‘I do’ is to always dreaming. Dream. Dream. Dream and work towards your dreams. Keep them alive, because they really do come true!
    Love to you both for a gorgeous day. xxx

    • Kate says:

      I LOVE that you still dance in your kitchen to your wedding song! That is SO romantic and beautiful. Made me tear up :)

  28. jwinnovation says:

    Such a beautifully freeing post to read!

  29. FELICIA says:

    Your timing of this is impeccable. I’m experiencing the same thing. I’ve never been married, I’ve never had children (both as a choice), and now I’m 50 and jumping in to a relationship with both feet. Your post eased my mind and gave me another perspective. It was all I needed. Now I can breathe. Thanks, Kate!

  30. Lori says:

    HI Kate,
    A wonderful post. I am so inspired by your words and thoughts on freedom. This is the one thing that I have been craving for 2 years now. I have finally stopped fence sitting and decided to move forward with my Big dream and gain more freedom in my life. I still have some small steps to take before I gain my complete freedom but having made a huge decision has proved to already offer me a sense of what my freedom will feel like.
    I have been married for almost 28 years and they have been the most exhilarating, challenging and wonderful ride of my life.
    Congrats to you and Mike. Love will always win out!

  31. Christina says:

    Congratulations Kate!
    My timing for reading this post was impeccable: I just said a big “I do” to myself by setting up a sole proprietorship!

    In the past I haven’t always been very good to myself, so saying “I do” to Me daily in some way is an act of love and faith.

    I so enjoy your posts (and your book); your enthusiasm and insight are inspiring.

  32. Valerie says:

    Kate, I’m a newcomer to your blog, and this post was so inspiring to me on multiple levels — professionally and personally. I walk down the aisle in a few weeks myself. :) Congratulations to you and Mike, and I look forward to reading many more of your posts!

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