The art of postponing your life.

It occurred to me today that I’ve been talking about meeting a man in New York City who I can bring home to Maine, make babies, live on the ocean, and start a life with for over two years. On a recent ten-day trip to Maine I started to get homesick. It’s the kind of homesick you feel when you’re already in the place you want to be but you’re anticipating soon not being there anymore so you begin to feel preemptive pains of missing it. It’s a perfect example of living life in the future instead of being here now. It’s a perfect example of living life the way I often do.

I have recently started scanning real estate listings in Maine late at night when I have no business being awake, let alone at my desk on the computer. On a recent flight I spent over an hour and a half looking longingly out the window with my forehead pressed against the glass daydreaming about what it will be like on the day that I move into my beautiful home in Maine with my beautiful man. When I mentioned this to my mom on a walk, she reminded me to enjoy the desiring part. She wisely told me that something she’s learned in her time on this planet is that the desiring is often times the best part. It wasn’t meant to be depressing, like “enjoy that fantasy honey ‘cause let me tell ya, the real thing usually sucks.” Instead, it was meant as an encouragement to be here now.

It’s somewhat oxymoronic, really, that one way to fully enjoy the moment is to fully enjoy the dreaming up of something that may or may not happen in the future, but it seems to work for me. If I’ve learned anything from being a student of the metaphysical it’s that feeling good is the most important thing if you want to continue to feel good. Feeling good now means attracting more things that will allow you to continue to feel good in the future. This sort of focus on the present moment seems to be the healthiest way of creating the future without losing what’s happening right now by being stuck planning tomorrow.

Yesterday I was on another walk, this time with my mom on the phone rather than hoofing it by my side. (I get some of my best insights while articulating things to my mom when walking.) I was talking about Maine. I was explaining this magnetic pull I feel to my home state. I get such a visceral reaction to Maine as symbolizing and feeling like home to me that I often cry when I explain the phenomenon to people. Not like big sobbing crying or anything (I’m not a hysterical nutcase) but I just get a little weepy from time to time.

So there I was, feeling the longing for the home that the state of Maine represents to me, and it occurred to me that to some degree, I’m waiting for something to happen to cue me to start my life. I’m waiting to meet my guy or for some divine sign or for lightening to strike or something. Whenever I do one of those exercises where I imagine what my ideal life looks like, it always includes being outside by the ocean, breathing in the fresh air, having space, and a strong sense of home. It is almost always set in Maine.

The truth is I adore my life in New York City. I have the most amazing community of creative entrepreneurs, artists, business partners, friends, and loved ones. I adore the cultural opportunities, the food, the stimulation, the wild wackiness, and the energy. And the truth is I’ve begun to ask myself what exactly I’m doing here. I can run my business from absolutely anywhere in the world. New York is fairly inconvenient as far as daily life goes. I’ve managed to contain my entire business and personal life in a studio apartment for five years and, though I’m proud of myself for this, someday I would like to have more than one room to my name.

Yesterday, in response to me explaining my yearning for “home” in the form of living in Maine, my dear friend reminded me not to go grocery shopping when I’m hungry. She has a point. Don’t’ make any sudden movements. Don’t go selling your apartment after one hot, smelly week in New York when you’re feeling restless. Home is within me, exactly where I am.

On the other hand, I write this tonight to remind myself to not wait for someone or something to happen to me to create my life the way I want it. I write this to bring awareness to how often we postpone our joy, happiness, pleasure, and desires because we’re waiting for the right moment or for someone to give us permission or for the stars to align. It’s kind of silly to peruse New York City for a man who will eventually move to Maine with me. It doesn’t make a whole lot of sense, really (and people who I mention it to often remind me of that). And it also doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to continue to walk up and down city streets all day when my heart is longing to breathe sea air.

So tonight I’m giving myself permission to not make any decisions. I’m giving myself permission to flirt with the idea of selling my apartment and maybe living both places for a while. I’m enjoying the desire in the present moment as I simultaneously enjoy the heck out of this balmy New York City Sunday night. I’m being here now as I dream up what’s next and commit to living my life now. I don’t know if this really counts as being in the moment, but it sure feels good to me.

What is it that you truly desire?


Have you ever felt like you were waiting for someone or something outside yourself before you gave yourself permission to go for your dream?


How do you practice being in the moment?


Do you think you can be present right now while fantasizing about something happening in the future, or are the two mutually exclusive?

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83 Responses to The art of postponing your life.

  1. I’m always waiting to be thin so I can feel really good about myself again. But in the meantime, I do enjoy the moment, usually by getting quiet and listening. Right now, I’ve turned off the television, and I’m listening to the thunder and rain outside, the sound of the gently whirring ceiling fan, and the tap of my fingers on this keyboard. I’m pondering points you’ve made. I’m also slowly moving myself into the next moment, which involves work that I need to get done, and I’ll ease into that by first finding some music to keep me company. I think one way of being in the moment is to be able to recognize when I’m making a transition to something else… and I can slip into it knowing I was THERE and now I’m moving smoothly into HERE.

    • @Tamara, I love what you said about fully experiencing the transitions from one moment to the next to fully realized that you’ve been there and now you’re here. That is brilliant. I am going to integrate that one immediately. Thank you Tamara!

    • @ Tamara, Wow….all I can say is WOW!!! I love what you wrote,it is deep and profound and it is touching.It’s beautiful.
      Congratulations. As Kate said,I,also,am going to integrate this into my daily life.
      Thank you,Tamara.Truly wonderful!!

  2. Thank you Kate for this post! A great reminder but also some new information. Enjoy the desiring in the moment! (Thank you too to your mom!)

  3. Hi My Booty-kon babe. Just a shout out and my take on your final question. Yes. I do think you can be present AND actively fantasize, create, and imagine the future.

    Josh and I often talk about future landscaping possibilities.
    We imagine and dream… what specimen tree do we want to plant in the bare spot in our front yard in Sag Harbor?

    Or when I work on business projects with my team/friends and we co-create, articulate and DREAM about the very things we are bringing into existence.

    I am very much present in those conversations, or when with myself – feeling my heart and soul while my imagination is firing away. I’m creating now and moving actively into my future.

    I’m just happy I get the next month with you out east at this ocean :)

    • @Marie, Thanks so much Marie. I consider you a true inspiration in the realm of being present and I love the specific examples of dreaming up landscaping possibilities and business projects. Thanks babe!

  4. I deeply resonate with the delicate balance between living fully in the present and also dreaming and hoping for the future. When I had to move back home to Michigan from New York after watching all the reasons I moved there unravel, there was a period of months when I simply couldn’t bear to have any dreams of the future. I was desire-phobic! I remember clearly one day stepping back and saying, “All right. What if this is it? What if I never realize or achieve any of my dreams? How can I find a way to live joyfully in THIS life?” Strangely, it was one of the most freeing things I have done for myself. I was able to stop living 5 months or 5 years in the future when everything would be great because I had met/acheived/accomplished _____________. From that place I have been able to reconnect to joy and possibility and found a way to transcend when things don’t go the way I’d hoped or seem to be taking longer than I think they should. I has given me great peace…and a few wonderful and unexpected things have flowed my way. Thanks for sharing this journey! It’s nice to know I’m not alone. xo

    • @Maya, Wow Maya. Thank you so much for sharing. The story of you living from a place of “how can I find a way to live joyfully in THIS life?”and the freedom that created for you gave me chills. I love it!

      • @Kate, Maya, Kate, Giselle, everybody — I appreciate all of your posts. Today’s been a challenging day with the pressure of final grading, and the kind words have encouraged me. Maya, I’d like to say that I am reminded of a great line from a movie, when Jack Nicholson’s character is leaving his psychiatrist’s office, and he pauses in the middle of the waiting room to look at the other waiting patients and ask, “What if this is as good as it gets?”

        His question, and your own framing of the same question are so useful. I’m going to ask that question today, right now. One of my friends, David, likes to tell me to imagine myself in five/six years saying, “If I were 44 again, I would…” (because I’m 44 now.) That’s a great exercise, too.

        Blessings,

        Tamara

        • @Tamara, Thanks so much for adding to the conversation. That moment in “As Good as it Gets” with Jack Nicholson is amazing. And on some level, right now is as good as it gets, at least at the level that all time is now and we really only have this particular moment. So we might as well make this moment as spectacular as possible. Thanks so much Tamara and I’m glad you’ve found inspiration in this conversation!

  5. Kate….thank you for the opportunity to ponder the moment….although I have lived near the ocean in Florida my entire life, I, too share this deep “desire affair” with Maine….& although I love your questions at the end of your story….I will have to take a moment, or two……..as I am still breathing in the freshness of your beautiful reflection…..

    • @Melanie Ericksen, I love knowing that I’m not the only one having a deep “desire affair” with Maine. It’s such a seductive state, no? Wonder what that’s about. Thanks so much for sharing your love here.

  6. Hi Kate,

    I’m Melody. Followed Marie’s tweet here;-)

    Dreaming of what I want my life to include in the future is fun and important to help me make decisions. Yes, I believe that you can be presence in the moment while you are envisioning the future.

    It was a pleasure reading your contemplative thoughts. Thanks for sharing.

    Melody

    • @Melody, Thanks so much Melody. I love that you include dreaming as part of your decision making process. How practical miss organizer :) Thanks for following Miss Marie over here!

    • @Josh, Oh Josh, your comment made me blush. Seriously, thank you. Also, thanks for reminding me of the grand adventure of life. Budokan with Josh and Marie…possible relocations to Singapore…the options are endless. Thanks for the comment dude. Luv ya.

  7. I can feel your energy and your ponderment in your writing. It is truly charming dearest Kate! My brother and I are also trying to FEEL more and think less. Feeling is the backbone for living our dream life. So, here is to visits to Maine and your visits to LA, someday soon. Lots of love!

    • @Caroline, I love that Caroline. Feel more. Think less. I’m going to use this one and report back on how it goes. LA trip possible for the fall. You guys will be the first to know!

  8. Kate….I can SOOO relate to your visceral reaction to Maine symbolizing home, and the emotion you feel when you try to describe it to someone. Being from the State of Maine is a feeling, not easily put into words, especially when we are not living there anymore. Jack and I dream of being “up home” all the time, but what keeps us in NY is our boys (grown men), and the fact that Jack has very good jobs. So our thinking has shifted from trying to make a move back, to finding a way to have our own home in Maine that we could live in part-time, and eventually retire to. Sometimes it is very hard to live in the now, when we are constantly reminiscing about our last trip home, and dreaming about and planning the next one. But we know that that is wishing time away, and that’s not good. Jack is WAY better at living in the now than I am, but I’m working on it.
    Thanks for this blog Kate!

    • @Kelly Pickering, Thank you Kelly, my fellow Maine girl. I’m so glad to know about the visceral reaction that you have about our good ole state ‘o Maine as well. It makes me feel less cooky. May you and Jack have all your dreams come true…where you are now AND in Maine and all the places in between.

  9. Thanks, Kate, for your wonderful posting. I moved to Maine several years ago and have been resisting to call it the place I want to be, let alone to call it home. Though this Spring and Summer have shown me that Maine is one of the most magical places on Earth. Today was a perfect example as I walked my dog on our neighborhood road with the sky so blue, the birds singing non-stop, flowers in full-bloom, frogs croaking in the streams, sunshine dancing on the Cove, and the air had the slightest scent of the sea. I was fully in the moment, home, and joyous.

    • @Maggie Pierce, Oh Maggie, reading about your beautiful day in Maine made me so happy. Thank you for the amazing description. I’m so glad you’re beginning to fall in love with your magical home. It’s just fabulous.

  10. I waited for almost 2 years before I had a “good enough” reason to leave Manhattan… I finally just picked a sunny location with a beach!!!

  11. Kate I am originally from NYC and have been in Maine since 1997. I have to tell you that I am in love with Maine. For years I worked for the big accounting firms and brokerage houses in NYC. Nothing could have taken me away from the Big Apple. I was living my Gordon Gekko (from the movie Wall Street) dream. Then I met my ex-wife and she brought me to Maine and it was like being reborn. I am a much different person now then I was when I first arrived. Maine, Maine people, nature, Acadia, etc.. have transfromed into a better and more caring person. Maine has given me the opportunity to own my own business, to serve the people as a selectman, to be able to look people in the eye and smile, to hug people when a hug was needed, to learn new things – like a leach field does not really have leeches, to appreciate a rainbow, and so many more things.

    Would I ever consider moving back to New York? The answer is no. New York holds a special place in my heart but Maine holds my heart.

    • @Robert Zavaleta, Thanks for your comment Robert! I’m so glad you came by to share in the Maine love-fest. Your story of meeting your ex-wife and her bringing you to Maine where you felt reborn is music to my ears. I’m so glad you’ve found your home. The way you articulate your experience living in Maine is divine. Thank you!

  12. Maine is a Pisces state, a spiritual home to all the campers whose magical summer memories stay with them for a lifetime. Tonight we took the boat over to the Chebeague Island Inn for supper. And said Hi to the Prentices, a family whose children you went to school with. I love that they are doing so well over there. Spectacular sunset and moon rise tonight here on the coast. My sister Penny just got back from a sailing trip near Isleboro. And met a woman who used to come and see me as a patient. She has spent most of her life living on boats, always in Maine very summer. The first chakra of Maine is huge and solid. Maine is about permanence and family and home. And values as solid and sustainable as the rockbound coast. My father’s tent mate in World War II was the Chief of Urology at Maine Medical Center. I was hooked the first time I ever looked in a tide pool. And then there are your paternal roots down in Kennebunkport. When the plane lands in Portland, I can feel all my bones align more solidly. This is HOME. It’s no wonder the pull is so deep in your own bone marrow and DNA. There is no hurry. Maine isn’t going anywhere. I loved this blog.

    • @Christiane Northrup,MD, Hey mama. Thanks for choosing to raise me in Maine. Thanks for falling in love with tide pools and moving to the place where you and dad most wanted to be. Thanks for my very large first chakra. Great reminder that Maine isn’t going anywhere and that there’s no hurry. Whew. I feel relieved reading that and re-typing it. All time is now. All is well. Thanks! Love you.

    • I wish I could articulate that feeling to all of the southern Indiana folks who think I should be over my “homesickness” by now. They have truly embraced me and even jump started my career, but Maine will ALWAYS be home.

      Oh, and Kate, this might just be me, but my thought is that if you haven’t found “Mr. Right” in NYC in the past few years, he might be waiting for you in the Pine Tree State ;)

  13. I love reading your blog. Always such great insight.

    I don’t think they’re mutually exclusive at all, unless you’re just wishing or hoping, instead of desiring and knowing. I think that being in the now is actually the best and fastest way to making that future we fantasize about happen. When you’re really in the flow… It makes it easier to see things in a way that’s less linear and more “always accessible” to us.

    I’ve just started to get the hang of it recently! It’s one thing to study metaphysical concepts and understand them on an intellectual level, and another to really “get it” and experience it and put it to use. My dreams at the moment mostly include self-sufficiency and feeling strong, courageous, beautiful, and independent as a woman of 22 years! A place of my own to call home, preferably in beautiful British Columbia, would be nice… but I’m leaving that last detail up to “the universe.” I’ll just focus on “getting happy,” as Abraham puts it, and I imagine the rest will follow in my favour. :)

    Here’s to dreaming (and allowing those dreams to come to life)!

    • Thanks for your comment, Amy! So true that being in the now is the fastest way to create the future we fantasize about…and it’s also the fastest way to happiness right now, which is all there really is anyway :)

  14. Hi Kate. I really appreciated your post. I live in the Pacific Northwest, which I absolutely love, but lately I have been homesick for Ohio. And I don’t think Ohio is particularly great. I am just feeling drawn to the state where I was raised and still have family. Now I wonder if I should pay more attention to this pull of being near family again. I think I will take your advice to not make any sudden movements while I am feeling emotional, though.

    There must be something to being drawn back to our roots, something very soothing/comforting. I am trying to live in the present moment and trust the Universe will guide me down the right path.

    Namaste!

    • What is it about home? Thanks for your ponderings, Stacey. Interesting that Ohio is calling to you. Home will be a future topic for a post for sure. For the time being, enjoy the present moment in the Pacific Northwest. Gorgeous there!

  15. Hi Christiane & Kate,
    First of all, you are two of my favorite women on this earth. I am 47 , with a 25 yr old daughter myself. I grew up outside Boston, but spent every summer in Maine. After my kids were born, we brought them to Maine every summer for a week or two , to Kezar Lake. My husband had never been as a kid, but now he dreams of someday going there again, maybe even having a place there. There is a peace when looking at a lake, and the trees, mountains in Maine..undescribable. The sunsets in Maine are my favorite to photograph. Thank you for sharing, and you are SO lucky to have been raised there Kate.
    With love & respect for both you ladies…Julie

    • Thank you Julie! Aaaaah, the Maine stories of childhood and sunsets and lakes speak to me so deeply. Thanks for adding yours into the mix. I can smell the pine forest already…

  16. Dear Kate,
    I would love to suggest that you can have it ALL. New York City and Maine…a home in your hometown and a place in the City. A man that loves you, your babies and both (or more) of your homes.
    If I can do it, you can do it. Check out the first video at http://soulmatekit.com
    Holding the space for you to have your hearts desire,
    Arielle

    • @Arielle Ford, Thanks so much for your comment Arielle! I’ve heard about your work and I will most definitely check it out. And yes, I agree that I can have it all. We can all have it all. Thanks for affirming that!

  17. I so get your mom’s comments about enjoying the dream. I often dreamt of my perfect little home in the mountains with a man I loved & children..well once I got that I realized I’d left out all of the mundane stuff when dreaming which dramatically alters your dream experience. It’s not a bad thing just something to be aware of :)

    As for the man from NYC in your dream, have you ever thought that maybe he’s already living in Maine. There’s plenty of New Yorkers living up there I’m sure ;)

    Thank you for your wonderful blog..loving it!

    • @jen, Thanks for your comment Jen. My grandmother says, “Some days are just three meals a day, so make sure you simply really like the person you marry.” Great advice!

  18. Oh Kate ! Come take some field trips and soak up the creative economy brewing here at home – you will sink right in! Check out the Juice 2.0 Conference we had in Camden last Spring (www.juiceconference.org) and check out their FB page and MidCoast Magnet. The entire mid coast, let alone our dear Portland, is brimming over with creative, entreprenurial, artistic energy these days and we can always use more. Rockland, Camden, Belfast, Bath, even Vinalhaven ! everyone is just springing up daisies and it really feels like the good energy is building. Come explore the things you may not have even fully appreciated that are happening here ! The opportunities and the dark, handsome mystery are going to show up – wouldn’t it be cool if they were hanging out here at home ! NYC is just a short flight away when you want her !

    • @Kathy Warren, Oh thank you Karen! I recently came across Maine Magazine (www.themainemag.com) and I was so inspired by everything going on…great arts, food, culture, entrepreneurship, social change, political activism. Amazing stuff all right in the good ole state ‘o Maine. Thanks for sharing and I’ll check out the Juice Conference!

  19. Thank you! Many times I have had the feeling that I am waiting for the man/time/energy for my real ‘grown-up’ life to start. A life where my kitchen is always clean, babies are on the horizon and my favorite music is always playing in the background…

    Thanks for the reminder to find joy in the fantastic life I have because that happiness will only multiply and create more! I think I’ll start with my favorite music and see where it takes me.

    And apparently I need to experience Maine!

  20. This post was very interesting…..You can live in the now and experience desire of future experiences…Both happen in the now. the desire and the recognitionn of the desire. I was on a cruise in Long Island Sound this evening….I went alone. I had a desire to have a special someone with me to experience the evening….but that was not the case. but I stopped myself and just luxuriated in the warm breeze, flickering lights on the shore , the bright moon and the twinklling stars….lovely evening it was….I made sure that I enjoyed the “now” of the moment and not to let it slip by unnoticed!
    I ony wish that I had some of this wisdon a few years back….but it seems for me that mid life has opened up depths within that would have never imagined! For some of us tI am convinced the blossoming happens at mid life. It has been true for me and although it has brought some growing pains…the journey has been Enlightning and Wonderful!!

    • @Janice, Janice, your cruise on Long Island Sound sounds like it was absolutely magical. Thanks for sharing this practical example of what it looks like to live your life full out right now!

  21. Hi Wonderful Kate! A good friend just sent this to me. I applaud your wisdom in watching and waiting, as you hold and trust your vision at the same time. For years, I allowed myself to feel my deep yearning to live part time on the Big Island of Hawaii, as I continued to ground myself in the reality of my career and what it would take to combine my work with the beautiful environment that I longed for. I too, would get weepy sometimes as I described the feel of velvety warm water, and the sweet smell of evening air blowing off the mountain.
    I didn’t make any ‘sudden moves’ :) I just kept deliberately placing one conscious choice in front of another, until I now am here, today, preparing to lead another healing retreat.
    Sending you Blessings and Light as you create the life of your dreams… xox Anita

    • @Anita Casalina, Hi Anita! So great to see you here. Your story about manifesting time in Hawaii is quite inspirational. Just putting one foot in front of the other…that’s where the magic comes in. Thanks lady!

  22. Hi Kate – Thank you for your posting – I’ve read so many of your mother’s book and your comment of what she said to you really struck and strong cord with me:
    wisely told me that something she’s learned in her time on this planet is that the desiring is often times the best part.

    That is so, so true – the journey to where you want to be or the desire for something is a major component of the whole process – like planning a trip overseas – the planning and dreaming are a HUGE part of it all – not just the trip!!!

    I like your mother have life experiences (I am in her age group) and I now realise how important the desiring is – thanks for pointing that out.
    Kathy

  23. Hi Kate,

    I spoke to you on the phone. I’m about ten years older than you and can appreciate where you are at.

    Aaahh, I bet you meet a fellow Mainer!! And, I bet Maine can’t contain you – you will take Maine where ever you go! You go home with more appreciation for it. There is a good quote “The more I change the more I stay the same.” The more you experience the world, the more you treasure Maine.

    I can’t help but think of a friend who brought her husband “home” to New Jersey from NYC and he couldn’t get pass the reality that there was no place to get food at 2 am. All places have pluses and minuses. We are all adaptable. He will want to see the world through your eyes.

    Good Luck finding “Him”!

    Regina

    • @Regina, Hi Regina! So good to see you here. Thank you for your heartfelt comment. I love the idea that Maine won’t be able to contain me. I think that’s true for all of us. No one place is big enough to contain us. We just have to keep expanding more and more every day…in love, consciousness, fun, pleasure, and more. I’m so grateful to be alive right now, today in this very moment where it’s totally possible to live one place and also enjoy the rest of the world. Thanks for your vote of confidence in me finding a Mainer. This or something better! :)

  24. Kate,
    Thank you for putting into words exactly what I have been feeling. Seven months ago I returned to California from NYC to ‘deal with’ my properties so that I could go back to NYC on my own terms. I was living in the future: ‘One day I will do, have, be…” What brought me to ‘now’ was asking myself, “What makes me happy?” rather than “What do I desire?” I woke up to the fact that I already have everything that I need, and I am already happy. The present became a pin point – NOW. With that realization I felt incredibly powerful – THAT was what I was avoiding. When I live in the present the power of my choices in that moment is magnified. What was once frightening became FIERCE, exciting, and joyful. You are a gem and I am so grateful for your voice and spirit. xo Margaret

    • @Margaret Rushing, Hi beautiful Margaret! Thank you for your comment. I love that. “What makes me happy?” What a great place to live life from. The truth for me is also that I’ve got a whole heck of a lot of what makes me happy right now. Thanks for reminding me :)

  25. Hello Kate,
    Thank you for your post…the desiring is indeed a wonderful thing, but I wanted to mention another component of things coming to fruition…
    I once spoke with a wonderful woman who works at a local Hospice Center as a counselor. We were vising about her line of work. What she said to me, struck me to the core…”Kari, one of the saddest things I see on a daily basis, is people that have run out of time. They thought they had all of the time in the world to do this, or do that, or fulfill some dream they held dear… What is so heartbreaking is that they speak of stories of “what could have been”, only to find that due to their health, the future has been taken away from them.”
    It is so easy to lose track of these wonderful dreams we have in the hectic day to day lives we lead. So easy to stop asking ourselves, “Where is the neatest/coolest place I could think of moving to/living? What job could I have that would touch my heart on the DEEPEST level?” And so on…
    I vote that you pick a date…. whether it be 6 months, or a year from now….that you will officially live in Maine. The excitement of the approaching day sets all kinds of wonderful things in motion…
    As you said, I find myself thinking of the possibilities the future has to hold, and more time passes…
    You’d think the problem was that I would “rather wait until later to be happy.”
    Why not NOW???
    Kari

    • @Kari, Hi Kari. I so agree that it’s best to live life right now. It’s true, we never know how long we have in this current lifetime. Your story of your friend working at Hospice is a touching one and definitely speaks to me. Thanks so much for your comment.

  26. Oh oh, one more. Your first paragraph about meeting the right man to start your life with…I waited until I got to California to officially start ‘dating,’ with the intention of meeting the man that I will create a family with, start the next phase of my life, etc. It was a great stall tactic for putting off living my life right now. I kept thinking that my guy was eluding me, but I was only eluding myself. Do I chase after the dream of starting a family, or do I chase after the dream of living my best, most exciting rock star life right now? Right now I am having more fun living in the present than chasing after anything. :)

    • @Margaret Rushing, So true, Margaret. You’re a goddess and goddesses don’t chase. We enjoy and receive. I’m so glad you’re living your rock star life! I really hope I get to see you in Salt Lake City in August!

  27. Kate,
    You have verbalize what I have been feeling and metaphysically hearing for so long. I, too, have been waiting for everything to line up perfectly before I move forward in my life. Its as if we are ‘bargaining’. I can’t do this until I lose 50 pounds. I can’t become a motivational speaker until I look a certain way, etc. We set up unnecesssary obstacles. My husband often reminds me: are you afraid to suceed or are you afraid to fail. I think we subconscously feel that we need to align everything in order for it to work.
    Thankyou so much for the reminder of not to postpone joy. Joy is all around us and its ours for the asking.

    Blessings of light and love to you, Donna

  28. Kate,

    What a great post! I can so, so relate to your feelings about Maine. I bounced around living in different places for years, and the desire to be back in Maine began to swell after not much time away. Living in Wyoming was most challenging, as I could not fall asleep to the sounds of fog horns or smell the salt on the air. The ocean is as much a part of me as any bones or blood in my my body–maybe even more. And there is so much about this state that is grand: the beautiful landscapes; the honest, loyal, and kind people; the strength of community; the value of traditions centuries old. As your mother mentioned, these things will not change. We will be here waiting for you with open arms when the time is right! In the mean time, I will travel to Five Islands, eat a lobster roll, jump off the dock, and dedicate my splash to you! :)

    • @Liz, Hey Liz! Thanks so much for dedicating your splash to me. It’s especially great to hear from another YHS grad my age who is loving life in Maine. Thanks for articulating all of that for me and for reminding me that it’s not going anywhere. See you in Portland soon ;).

  29. I have always felt like being parachuted on the wrong planet and having a hard time coping. I have a talent at writing and was so often told that words don’t bring meals that my subconscient somewhere beleive it. I dont’ have the ocean, but have the life partner and two beautiful almost grown up boys and feel that taking care of them where not enough. I still look for work in area I was trained and have experience but I don’t like it. So I do think your mom is right about enjoying the now. I thank you for sharing it with us. Enjoy also the fact that you have an open minded mother that can guide you. I am also very often drawn by the ocean and try each vacation to go to the ocean in the state of Maine and Mass. I like to think that this love for the ocean is greater than this life and that it draws me, so I will end up near one day! Seem the same for you.

  30. Kate,
    Seems I’ve been living my whole life preparing for good things in the future..right now I envision myself in Australia, and have for a couple of years now. But i’m still in San Diego. My future lies in Queensland, but there are some things and people I need to finish up with here. There is a conflict, but I feel the conflict may be here to slow me down, and think about priorities. I ask myself – have
    I done all that I can do here, or should I wait and see….sometimes it’s a quandry. Loved this article. It arrived just when I need guidance.

    • @Elizabeth Peterson, How brilliant Elizabeth! I love the idea of taking a deeper look at any conflict in the moment and using it to slow you down and think about your priorities. That is genius and I will practice the same thing!

  31. Just returned from my Home, and know exactly what you mean. How wonderfully expressed, and how common now that our lives are so much more open to choice than they ever have been. Home is where our hearts are, and that’s not just in one place or person…though there are those very special people and places that call to something deep within us…our soul calls.

    • @Catherine, Thanks Catherine. I so agree that home is where our hearts are and that isn’t necessarily connected to a specific location. Come back and visit again :).

  32. Kate:

    I posted a link to your site on my wall and people said:

    “Marcela Hincapie– I think you and Kate should meet. The man she wants to meet in New York is already in Maine!”

  33. Hey Kate,

    I think you and Robert Zabaleta, who left a post above should meet. The man you want to meet in New York is already in Maine.

    Best wishes,

    Marcela

  34. Kate-
    This post touches on SO, SO much. The topic of home is so deep. I have lived in so many places, and I find myself confusing friends when I say I am going home, because I say it when I am in Rio, going “home” to San Diego (where my parents live and I grew up) and then I say it when I am in the US and going “home” to Brazil. And I feel so lucky to be able to feel at home, embraced, in so many places. That being said, I also have shared your restlessness and yearning. I lived in Boulder for years, which is an amazing place for so many reasons, not the least of which being a spiritual mecca and a geographical masterpiece, however I never felt settled there. It never felt like “my” place. Living in Rio is the first time I have felt like, aaaah, yes, this is where I am meant to be (the deep 1st chakra feeling?). This is my home and it is a GREAT feeling.

    As for the “meet a man in New York to move to Maine” plan, it doesn’t matter if it makes rational sense. You will not miss the love of your life. He may be in a grocery store in NY; he may be O’Hare airport; he may be a student in your yoga class; he may sit down next to you on a subway or an airplane. And I believe there is nothing you need to do but live your life as you are. You cannot miss the people who are meant to be in your life.

    Your writing is witty, deep and provocative. Thank you!

  35. This has nothing to do with your prompts or the spirit of “presence,” but your fantasy made me recall one of my own.

    Back when I lived at the crowded, crazy Jersey shore, I used to imagine my future in a game I played every week with my best friend. We were only twenty. We’d talk about our futures as if they were real. Present.

    Instead of managing a restaurant and dating my on again, off again highschool sweetheart who was an accountant, I lived in moving to Maine where I was married to a bearded college professor who had two sons.

    25 years later, I live with a bearded highschool teacher in Vermont with “our” two sons.

    The reality was better than what I pretended.

  36. Kate, your love of Maine reminds me of my love of Newport, Rhode Island! I totally get the New England ocean vibe you’re talking about…

    I do think you can be present right now while fantasizing about something happening in the future. The desiring makes life *juicy* and plants seeds for what may be one day.

    As for postponing your life, I’ve been there and I’ve recently adopted a great mantra… “Life is NOW!”

  37. I’m just finding this post now and it is so perfectly timed because I, too, was just writing about the incredible insights I get from my mom when we go walking.

    Because you are in such great shape, I was curious to find out what you do to stay fit? Is walking a big part of your exercise regime?

    Keep up the great work, Kate!

    best,
    Jocelyn

    • @Jocelyn @ Daily Moxie, Thanks so much for your comment and I’m so glad that the timing was right for your reading this post. And thank you for your question about my workout regime…mostly these days I do yoga but I certainly walk a lot in NYC too. Thanks so much!

  38. Kate. how awsome you are….time and space are such amazing things, you wrote this blog a while ago..and now you are travelling x country in search of your soul whilst at the same time expressing it. I am sitting here in rainy Switzerland perusing your site and I too know this feeling…it is like something is aproaching you can hear the footsteps of its souls essence, you can sense it put not quite touch it yet.
    I often long for Africa, the place I grew up especially when the weather is so grey here, but then I remind myself that I am here because of a man who brought me here. You see, when I was living in Africa I had this longing to move to Europe and it happened.Preempting, foreboding…. events that are live changing have this. And now that I am here, this beautiful haunting feeling unsettles me often lately, that I should be moving on…funily enough to America, a place that has never before been on my radar…I let it come and go, and deep down I know that it is my soul nudging me on gently and remimding me that home is in another place altogether. Enjoy your freedom, you are very blessed to have learned to follow the yearnings of your heart.

  39. Hi Kate,

    Great blog post, I’m living in Maine right now and I’ve bookmarked your post so that when it gets hard living here, I’m going to read this post to remind me that I’m lucky to be where I am. :^) Thanks and look forward to reading your blog!

    Nicole

  40. Ahhh, yes.

    I lived in Chicago for 7 years and absolutely loved it although my love life was fairly lacking. I figured, once I landed in the right spot, it would all fall together, right? During those years, I traveled through the west coast, Spain, and Argentina, looking for that spot that would become HOME, the place I could drop anchor (and of course meet the man of my dreams, build a house, and have babies). And so eventually, I sold all my things and finally made up my mind to move to Buenos Aires where I could tango, and then changed it to Seattle where I could be by the mountains, and then finally settled on Valencia, Spain where I was born and could reconnect to my roots. On my way I decided to spend a few months in Pittsburgh with my mom– the city I grew up in and said I would “never” move back to. Well, guess what happened? I met my guy. And, I discovered home. And, he is fixing up a loft. Who knew, who in the world knew? I packed lightly and jumped, and was guided to a place that was underneath my nose all the time. Now I just have to wait for that building to finally get finished so I can get on with my dream. ;)

  41. P.S. But how could I trade living in just a vibrant city, or having all those wonderful travel adventures by myself? I wouldn’t. They are all different experiences and all need to be treasured as they are happening.

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