I’ve Outgrown My Pot


Me doing my best impression of my psychic secretary

“When you are the light you should earn your living through the sharing of insight.”

These words were written on the cover of a navy blue book I had just picked up off the shelf that had the title Unforgettable written on the spine. This happened in a dream, but I was lucid enough to know that as soon as I woke up I should write the words from the cover of that book down—verbatim. So I did . . . in the scribbly scrawl of nighttime ideas that I often wake up to find are incoherent or really not that brilliant in the morning light.

Except this nighttime scribbly scrawl is different. This is a pretty clear memo from my psyche. And I adorably chose to write it down and then hide the piece of paper away in a careless stack and not mention it to anyone or do anything about it for several months. The beauty of messages from myself, though, and perhaps this is true of messages that you get from yourself, too, is that if I don’t listen to them immediately they come dressed in different costumes later on . . . sometimes knocking on my door as the UPS guy, sometimes sitting across from me at lunch as a literary agent, sometimes masquerading as a seemingly crazy person delivering a message to me on the street (yes, this has actually happened to me and I’ll tell you the story in a later post). Then sometimes they come as illness or stasis or tears. Often for me they come as tears. Little liquid memos sliding down my cheeks in times of questioning and praying.

Starting in September my skin started to crawl in that way that skin does when you’ve outgrown your pot . . . when your roots and limbs and leaves and stalks are simply getting too big and it’s time for a bigger container. At first I decided it was because I hated my business and I became immediately stuck and unproductive as a result. To fill up all the time that I suddenly was no longer spending on building and running my business I immediately signed up for an acting class, a Fire Starter session, a personal organizer’s services, coaching, acupuncture, and yoga teacher training. My “stuck” usually looks pretty busy. I’m not so good with sitting with my questions and awaiting answers. I like to do things in the meantime so as to prevent receiving answers too quickly or too clearly. That would be too easy. (Caveat: my compulsive doing-ness has actually proven to be a major asset and I’m truly grateful for my gift of keeping busy while awaiting messages from myself.)

Next I decided what I needed to do was become completely dispensible to my business by eliminating, systematizing, and delegating á la The 4 Hour Work Week(this book is a MUST read.) Then I got completely overwhelmed and sick and couldn’t get out of bed for days at a time. Then I decided I was angry with my mother. Then I decided I was angry with myself. Then I decided I was angry with my business team. Then I gave myself permission to be exactly where I was and do nothing. And then, miraculously, I didn’t need to be stuck anymore.

I found that when I gave myself permission to be where I was, I suddenly was actually able to hear my psychic secretary delivering the memo. I had let myself headstand and read and cry and organize and rage about my need for change and shifting that I was as yet unable to articulate. And because I let myself do all those things, my beautiful little psychic secretary no longer had to disguise herself as the UPS guy or a child on the subway. Instead, it was quiet enough that she could just efficiently walk right up in her perfectly tailored pencil skirt, sexy high heels, crisp white blouse, and sophisticated yet seductive black-rimmed glasses to tell me succinctly, “Kate, it’s now time for a bigger pot. I’ll schedule a replanting for you immediately.” Miraculously, right about this time, I stumbled upon the piece of paper with my morning scribbly scrawl on it once again.

So here I am and here you are and this site is my bigger pot. I’m not 100% sure where I’m going as I carve out this space for my voice, but I do know it’s going to be good. Right now it feels so spacious that it makes me nervous. I have all these pages solely dedicated to me and my insight. It feels selfish and indulgent. It feels presumptuous . . . who am I to “be the light and earn my living sharing insight?” I’m just the perfect amount of scared sh*tless and completely excited to know that I’m onto something.

Welcome to my new pot. Let’s see where we grow from here.

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38 Responses to I’ve Outgrown My Pot

  1. Liza Pascal says:

    just totally honored to be a witness to growth in your new pot. and fyi: your insights are crucial. does your psychic secretary have a fee? i’d like to make an appointment.

  2. Your new pot is perfect and elegant!

  3. beauty of a beginning!
    xoxo

  4. Beautifully written and elegant. Permission to be where we are is powerful and way underrated. I think just that act alone can make massive waves that can be life-changing.

    I like your new pot. And I really like that metaphor. Beautifully said.

  5. Kelly Pickering says:

    Congratulations Kate! This is perfect for you and for those of us who get to follow your growth in your new pot!!

  6. Katy P-C says:

    Thank you for naming that “need a new pot” feeling so well! I recently came through a similar period, and can identify with its discomforts.

    Love the message from your unconscious! So true. And it’s not indulgent or presumptuous to follow it. It’s courageous and worthwhile. Good luck! Looking forward to upcoming posts.

  7. Alisa Vitti says:

    Love this!! SO creative and well written and puts the finger right on the pulse of where so many of us get to when it’s time for a change. Here’s the your bigger pot!

  8. Wiley Vreeland says:

    Kate, your words (which are beautiful, positive and personally feel so ‘right’), and the phrasing and imagery of re-potting resonates so loudly, I already feel safer in letting myself listen and grow and feel that beautifully unsafe quality that change brings with it. Your light was definitely shining today, thank you for sharing it. x

  9. I love you Kate! I tell people I want to be as with it as Kate is at27 at 55. Always great to transplant to a bigger pot with fresh new soil.

  10. Sandra Chiu says:

    Your writing is so full of beautiful and relevant metaphors, outgrowing the pot, liquid memos (love that), psychic secretary. Thank god you finally created a space for your genius to thrive, because it is thriving alright…The most flowing and creative and connected I’ve seen your writing. You’ll be outgrowing this pot in no time too baby.

    ROCK Pussy cat!

    xo

  11. Linda Bourdelaise says:

    As a mom with a daughter your age….I love watching your growth!! There are so many times throughout life when one feels like “bustin’ out”, as my mom would say…..so, look forward to lots of bigger and bright colored pots along the way.

    “And the day came when the risk ti took to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”-Anais Nin

  12. Carolina says:

    Love your first post. All the best in your new journey :)

  13. Ruth says:

    Love this Kate…. love your courage to start and to live this mystery out loud so sturdy without any road map! You are hilarious and insightful and blinding bright! gorgeous
    xo

  14. Kate,
    What a beautiful, beautiful post AND website…I am so excited and happy for you and this amazing new journey/direction – just LOVE it! Read your blog myself, read it outloud to Rutherford – amazing writing, intent and stepping into a new way of being/living!

    Carmen :-)

  15. Tiffany Gale says:

    Your honesty gives me chills, b/c it makes me wonder how many women are walking around feeling the same exact way. Thank you so much for sharing, its so freeing to know we are not alone in our journey to “bigger pots” …shine on Kate!

  16. Kate, I LOVE this post, thank you so much for sharing and looking forward to the upcoming posts!!! xoxo Kelly Lynn

  17. Congratulations, Kate on a fantastic launch of a big, spacious pot. It is such a pleasure to witness your growth and benefit from your insights. I’m with Sandra, love your brilliant metaphors as well as your transparency, authenticity, wisdom, humor and brilliant writing. Thanks for being the light. Can’t wait to see where we grow from here! xoxo

  18. Love your bigger pot. Can’t wait to watch what grows out of it.

  19. Monick Halm says:

    This post is absolutely gorgeous! I love your new pot and I’m loving that you’ve given yourself permission to move into it. xoxo

  20. Nancy Park says:

    Many blessings to you on your new path!
    May it be filled with love.
    You are a very very very bright light in the world.
    Shine on, sister!

  21. Sarah Thomssen says:

    Now that is a gorgeous debut! What an inspiration, and congratulations on your courage. I love seeing your new direction and adventure. Looking forward to many more. xoxo

  22. Katharine says:

    Well done, Kate! Great start, great new container!

  23. Elle says:

    Sing it, child. ;)

  24. Absolutely beautiful! Love the psychic secretary making the appointment for replanting:)

  25. Randi Friedl says:

    Kate you are breaking out on your own and it is and you are Authentic Kate. IT’s so true.
    Blessings, Randi

  26. janine says:

    honey, i have one thing to say
    and you know what it is……….
    BEYOND…………………
    i am so proud of you
    genius
    xoxoxo

  27. Kate T.W. says:

    I know I’m biased, but this is my favorite name for a website ever. Reading about the acceptance of your process makes me feel expansive and empowered in mine. Can’t wait for more.

  28. I came across your blog, i think your blog is cool, keep us posting.

  29. Angela says:

    What a beautiful post! So excited to be able to witness your growth. Thank you for sharing. I am cheering you on…Love your bigger pot!

  30. Alice says:

    Kate, I love your new pot and the bright light of your writing. “AuthentiKate” is “unforgettable” as is the image of your psychic secretary. You may have heard of Repotting: 10 Steps for Re-Designing Your Life by Diana Holman and Ginger Pape, but in case you haven’t, here’s the link:
    http://repotting.com/the-book/

    Coincidentally or not, I recently repotted via blog, and here’s an entry about finding a new use for a flower pot:
    http://rabbitholereport.blogspot.com/2010/03/going-to-pot.html

    Congratulations on setting your writing free!

  31. [...] enrolled in a 300-hour yoga teacher training in October as part of my keep-busy-while-I-figure-out-my-life program. I’ve spent the last eight months bending and stretching in physical and non-physical [...]

  32. Great info, thanks for useful post. I am waiting for more

  33. [...] enrolled in a 300-hour yoga teacher training in October as part of my keep-busy-while-I-figure-out-my-life program. I’ve spent the last eight months bending and stretching in physical and non-physical [...]

  34. Kristen says:

    LOVED this! I went through the same thing this winter, and opening to what’s next! This is the crux of it: “I’m just the perfect amount of scared sh*tless and completely excited to know that I’m onto something.” And so it begins…

  35. [...] I basically wanted to gut my life. There wasn’t anything acutely wrong, but I had started to feel cramped and limited by the container I’d created for myself. My coach and I examined every area of my life to see what was working and what wasn’t working. [...]

  36. Thank you Kate!

    Love this! As we all got to see, your “pot” suits you well. I’m at the same point that you were and the “I am exactly were I’m supposed to be” just hit me a while ago. Finally I am allowing myself to move forward and let go of the past even more. I thought I have done that already but I had to learn that things take time. I am very excited about the future.

    Thank you for sharing all your light and your insights.

    Hugs

    Kathrin

  37. Wendy says:

    Wow,
    I am so glad I found your site, That was deep and very inspiring. I am at a crossroad at this
    point in my life and I am not sure which way to go. But this really helped me to Allow myself
    quiet time and think, ask and listen for the inner conscience to speak to me. Great metaphor.

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