It will happen later. His best friend will ask you out instead. You’ll be kissed in the movies instead of on a beach. You’ll end up going to a different school because the one you thought you’d get into didn’t work out.
She’ll move away. Someone else will move in next door. She’ll be a little weird at first, a little more shy, but ultimately really good at riding bikes and playing dolls.
That part you always wanted will go to that other girl instead. And you’ll rock it out in the chorus like your life depended on it. Because on some level it does.
The road you were going to take will be flooded and closed. The inn where you were going to stay will be under renovations. He’ll be taller than you thought. And have a funny accent. But will be a good kisser nonetheless.
You’ll get a flat tire on the way to that crucial meeting and end up peeing your pants laughing with the gas station attendant over a copy of Us Magazine. And someone else will fill in for you because they always do.
You won’t get that dream job like you thought you would. It will go to someone else with far less creative drive and vision than you. Someone far better suited for a cubicle than you.
You’ll be put in groups with people who put your panties in a wrinkle. You’ll sit next to someone on the plane who you’d never talk to except that they won’t shut up…and you’ll end up staying in touch for years and taking family vacations together.
Five years after you graduate life won’t look anything like you would have imagined. You’ll be single when you thought you’d be married. You’ll have kids when you thought you’d be in the Peace Corps. That trip to Laos will get delayed because you’ve got to stay home and take care of your grandmother. Laos will be there. You’re grandmother won’t always.
He’ll move over seas and oddly the Atlantic Ocean between you will bring you closer than you ever dreamed possible. You won’t get engaged, married, or pregnant when you thought. You’ll miss the bus/train/plane/ferry that you thought you just HAD to be on.
You’ll fall off the turnip truck. You’ll jump on a different bandwagon than you intended. You’ll get fired when you thought you ought to be getting hired.
You’ll realize you forgot the outfit you had planned to wear and that the shoes are all wrong now that you have a full-length mirror to see the whole outfit. Your shirt will be wrinkled and you’ll spill red wine on your white jeans.
Your dog will eat your five-year plan. You’ll drop your Blackberry in the toilet (at least once.) Your computer will crash and you’ll delete the first draft of your magnum opus. You’ll accidentally delete your hard drive and end up with a clean slate.
You’ll show up late to the date with the guy you were sure was going to fit into your husband suit and realize he’s less than graceful under stress and not so flexible. (Better to know now than later.)
When you thought you’d be baking pie and living behind your very own white picket fence you’ll find yourself doing something so entirely different you couldn’t have even imagined it a year before. There will be moments when you’ll look around and not even recognize your own life…in a good way.
You’ll take a wrong turn and end up in an entirely different city than you intended. You’ll dial the wrong number and end up in love with an entirely different person than you intended.
You’ll flunk out and end up taking five years instead of four to graduate. You’ll have your heart broken when you were sure you were with the one and then meet the other one a month later. You’ll move to a new city to start a new business with those perfect new business partners and then it will all go to shit. And you’ll move across the country again only to realize that that’s where you belonged the whole time.
You’ll drive as far away from home as possible thinking that it will make you feel free. Then you’ll get homesick and drive back four months later because you suddenly feel trapped.
You’ll imagine the open road, country music playing loud, you signing at the top of your lungs, and flirting with a new man in every town. And then you’ll invite someone to come with you on a whim and realize driving around the country by yourself was a terrible idea anyway…and that its way more fun when you’re traveling with someone you love.
You won’t do it at the right time.
You’ll be late.
You’ll be early.
You’ll get re-routed.
You’ll get delayed.
You’ll change your mind.
You’ll change your heart.
It’s not going to turn out the way you thought it would.
It will be better.
Absolutely wonderful piece, Kate! You just never know and isn’t it wonderful that we can’t control it all! Life has so many surprises in store if we let it be! And, of course, we need to be fully awake!! Great job!
@Barbara Gimperling, YES! That awake part is key. Thank you!
Kate -
Thanks a million. This hits home in so many ways. Thank you for writing this.. this resonates so deeply with me – I’ve really been growing into this idea that things really will be *better* beyond our planning capabilities:) Letting go of ‘shoulds’ and allowing what really *is*..I love it, thank you!!
@Hannah, Absolutely. Let go of those “should’s” baby. There is SO MUCH MORE!
Kate
So true!
This was your best blog post yet!!
@Susan, Thank you!
Brilliant! Salve for the soul. Thank you for this genius piece of writing.
@Charlene, Oh you are SO welcome!
This made me smile, grin, cry and nod my head in recognition. Truly brilliant and appreciated!
@Sandi Amorim, So glad it resonated!
Great post Kate! I like the “inviting someone on a whim…and traveling with someone you love”. Never looks how you want it to look.
@Brian, Nope, it looks better! Thanks for being a part of the orchestration of “better” for me this time around.
You’ll be standing next to the man you fell in love with as a child and see you are both grown. And changed. And loved. You will think being a mother will make you whole and find out that instead it gave you a passage to heal your already whole self. You’ll be a vegetarian that no one understands to end up with a meat share CSA that the right people understand why. You’ll move your bedroom into the dining room so your daughter can have her own room and you will buy her her first bra, a pink one. You’ll be who you were always meant to be, great, strong, soft, beautiful, kind and surround yourself with those who are the same.
It is better. Thank you for giving me a look at a very different world than my own, and reminding me to be ever grateful Kate. xo
@Hannah Marcotti, Your response made me cry! So beautiful to be reminded that the things we think will make us whole are only avenues through which we’re reminded we’re already whole. So good. Thank you!
Brilliant. And true. Thank you for this!
@Hiro Boga, Oh I’m so happy to see you here! Miss LaPorte has told me so many great things about you. I’m thrilled you enjoyed the post.
Love this Kate!
@Sarah, Thank you!
You are such a brilliant writer Kate. Adore this! :)
@Lora Sasiela, Thank you beautiful!
So absolutely true! Artsy. Spunky. Soulful. And the punchline is what I would have said before I read it. I was so pissed off that I wasn’t married at 23, but when I found out my husband is the guy he is, I was so glad I got married at 34 instead! Ha, and wasn’t it torture to think this must be the day I’ll get engaged? (over and over) I was happy to be fired ~ eerily peaceful…joyful. I did the back and forth, free and trapped thing. I was the girl who moved and moved in. And for me it was the law school I chose…the second time I applied. Yet so much I dream of does come true, and stepping into the space of allowing it to come how and when is best does make it better than I thought! My first time reading, and I have a feeling I’ll be reading again.
@Dana Boyle, Oh absolutely gorgeous. Thank you for filling in your own blanks and sharing your own version. Looking forward to seeing you here again!
@Mer, But of course! We all teach what we need to learn, right?
ok, so I’ve been sobbing all day, but this just pushed me over the edge.
but in a better way than all the crying the rest of the day.
thanks.
all I can say is: emoticon, many tiny little hearts, emoticon, exclamation points.
and XOXOXO
I love this, Kate. I, the ever perfectionist, read this at just the right time and I thank you for writing it. It’s brilliant…just like you. Shine on!
This is Great, Kate! Even applies to the day I had today where my MOST IMPORTANT thing that I wanted to do today did not get done, but I watched a movie today the was great for a rainy day. Then come to find out that MOST IMPORTANT thing did not need to have my attention until next month. How PERFECT!
Thank u thank u thank u. I LOVED this. I need to print this and hang it all over my house. Thank u thank u
Thanks Kate it’s oh so true.
Beautiful Kate – and thank you for putting into words my life at the moment and knowing that it’s all going to work out better than I ever expected!
Kate, Truly delightful. I could read it again and again!
This is the kind of post you spread all over the internet — as I shall :) What a beautiful way to summarize what life is really like. I needed this!
I just loved it!
This is beautiful Kate! I absolutely loved it!!!!! GREAT WORK!
Kate, this makes me think of how when we may want something a certain way, our order gets mixed up and we need to be flexible in order to truly enjoy this life we are living. A lovely reminder that you can’t always get what you want and unexpected surprises can make us smile.
this is beautiful, somtimes we think if lifes not going to plan we have to panic and make a new plan, but we really just need to live with what comes and see that its better than what we could ever plan. The best things are always unplanned, when you didnt have any expectations (:
I’ll be reading this again! Thanks for the inspiration kate :D
definately reminds me of:
‘In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps.’
Prov 16:9
and some days it won’t be better… but that means the story has another act!
@Jennifer Louden, So true!
Love this post Kate. I keep getting this reminder again and again and again and again. It’s when I let go of my idea about how it should be that the best stuff in my life happens. And it’s still f’in hard to let go quite often. Thank you for the reminder. Open, open, open to what wants to happen.
What a wonderful post! Thank you!
Just sooooo very beautifully written…….I didn’t realize you knew me so well …….fab post
@Andrea Ellison Photography, Hilarious. Thank you Andrea!
Just beautiful! Thank you.
This piece sort of expands on my mantra..
Live the life you want and love the life you have.
@xoxo, gina, Love that mantra. Thanks Gina!
My wife’s boss had a saying that went along with this:
Quit “should”-ing on yourself.
Nice blog.
Wonderful! Brava.
Priceless. And beautifully written. :)
Oh Kate, thank you.
It isn’t turning out at all like I thought.
And what I needed most this week was a reminder to see the wonderful in how it is turning out.
You are a blessing!
geez…I was so friggin’ tired from all of the things I did not, could not and will not do! Whew….after a rest, I’ll see if things still look better. Cheers!
Alleluiah!!
This was awesome. Better than watching a movie… I just wanted to know the ending already!!
Came here from Bindu’s website.
Love your writing.
xox
Thankyou for this! I am in the grips of a quarter life crisis where I hate my job (to the point I am contemplating quitting without anything else to go to and nowhere near enough in savings), my life isn’t what I thought it would be (living at home at 25) and all I want to do is run to the other side of the world.
You, however, are right. There is so little in our lives we can control, and yet, everything somehow always works out for the best.
I want to sincerely thank you so much for writing this. It’s something I really needed to hear at this moment, today, when I found your blog. This sort of life lesson is something that I’ve often wondered about and suspected to be true, but I just really needed to hear it from someone else. And you put it so beautifully!
Thank you so much for this, Kate. I love it.
http://hitchcockismyhomeboy.tumblr.com/post/7298940041/its-not-going-to-turn-out-the-way-you-thought
Way to go Kate! I love it!
This piece is amazing, thank you so much! Read it this morning just as everything seems to be falling apart (just got dumped, being kicked out of my apartment, flunked a class at college so I won’t be graduating this year). It’s nice to think these things happened for a reason and life will be all the better for it.
Thanks for the inspiration just when I needed it.
Oh I love this! Thank you so much for writing this!
I just recently graduated from high school and I’m going to a different college than I planned, because the place that was my dream school for so many years rejected me. I was SO upset about that. I never thought I’d end up at this school or this city, but you know what? Now, I’m incredibly excited and in love with my school and am glad I didn’t get into my “dream school”.
This is DEFINITELY true!! Things won’t go as you planned but everything will be alright in the end! :)
Thank you so much for this! I related to this more than ever today and really needed reminding that what you want might not be what you need. Bad things that happen in life, more than ever, become good things in life. Things that make you stronger. I have learned that you become thankful for some of the bad things that happen in life because of who it has made you become. How it has helped you develop into who you are. Patience is everything and I need to remember that. We all need to remember that! Again, thank you so much! Every single word spoke to my heart. I feel that this came to my attention because I needed to read it and I am so glad I did!
[...] via Kate [...]
thank you SO much for this! I had to reblog it. wonderfully said
wow. truth spoken.
not one. single. thing. has happened like i hoped and dreamed.
i AM finding it better as i press on.
xo
thanks for much for this!
Found this today–it backed up my earlier find, and has added to my own personal mantra.
Well done.
“I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they’re right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.”
— Marilyn Monroe
This post is making the rounds, and is beautifully written. Much appreciated by someone whose life didn’t turn out the way that I thought – and I wouldn’t change it.
Absolutely loved it! Thank you for writing it!
WOW!!! I LOVED this….haha I didn’t know you read my journal haha!!! Beautiful post!!! Thank you for sharing!! xo
Hi Kate! Love it! It all sounds kinda like my life, only different…it almost makes me feel that what I’ve done has suddenly been ‘validated’. Thanks for putting words to an eventful journey called life…when we didn’t think it was right, it was all along.
Continue to enjoy your journey, Kate.
Love,
Kaye
love love love. it does turn out better that is for sure… glad you have found the magic in the unknown within your plans. xo
i LOVED this. so well written and so… real. thank you for sharing this! i hope you don’t mind if i share this! i will make sure to credit you for it! :)
i found your blog from seanheartschloe and she posted this. thank you for writing such a beautiful post. it meant a lot to me today. xoxo – missy.
Thank you so much for this awesome article. I read it whenever I start to stress out about how my life is going so differently from what I planned. It’s all so true, and we’ve all been there. Really, thank you.
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that gave me goosebumps…xxoo
It fits me perfectly. You’re a phenomenal writer
Eloquent, beautiful and true. I feel vindicated after reading. Thank you!
WoW!!!! This brought tears to my eyes. I will be posting this link to my Woman of Worth Facebook Page ( http://www.facebook.com/wow.womanofworth ) so many other women have the privilege of reading it to. Thanks xx
Found this through thesinglewoman and so happy I did. This is so perfect. Thank you!
thank you so much kate…i found this exactly when i most needed it…it’s my lowest point in weeks…i just fought with my BFF…and i never ever fight with her..it’s shocking how life turns out…thanks so much…thanks so much..i’m gonna bookmark your page and read it…<3..lots of love and joy…xoxoxoxo…
[...] Blog Post #4: It’s not going to turn out the way you thought. Click on the link. ☺ It’s not going to turn out the way you thought. by Kate Moller Share this:Like this:LikeBe the first to like this [...]
This has been the story of my life. Absolutely beautiful!
I didn’t want to read this post, I was reluctant cos someone sent me the link, and I changed my mind!! Thank you very much for writing this XX00
Awesome! At least I’m not alone with the way things turn out on a daily basis.
excellent!..it’s so inspiring to anyone..
I have this bookmarked and read it whenever I’m in a “woe is me, life is horrible” mood. It keeps me sane
Thankyou so much :)
[...] one google search later and the words were before me once more. the sentiments no less true than they were now almost a year ago. It will happen later. His best friend will ask you out instead. You’ll be kissed in the movies ins… [...]
[...] It’s Not Going To Turn Out The Way You Thought {Kate Northrup} [...]
[...] I recently wrote a post entitled “It’s not going to turn out the way you thought”, which got more traffic and comments than anything else I’ve written. (It was re-posted on [...]
See……it all works out in the end.