So goes my morning meditation a minimum of six days a week. I give myself a day off because sometimes waking up and checking my email first thing in the morning just feels good even if its not the most enlightened way to start my day.

My boyfriend Mike bought a plush blue meditation cushion with “Truth” embroidered on the top in golden thread. I love sitting down and connecting my bum to truth every morning. Any bit of wisdom I can absorb through any part of my body seems like a step in the right direction.

I meditate on truth every day to keep it real. I meditate on truth every day because telling the truth has yet to become habitual for me so I still have to make it a conscious practice. I’m not a liar; I just have a well-worn pattern of keeping the peace. I was raised in a beautiful WASPY family where we never raised our voices and rarely confronted others on anything for any reason. For a long time I thought the truth was scary. I thought it was unsafe. I thought that if I told the truth I would hurt people. So I didn’t tell it. I just said, “That’s okay,” instead and tucked it away.

But, as does any compartment that we overstuff, the place where I was storing my truth began to overflow and little by little it began to seep out. One of the first seepage incidents I recall was in January of 2010. I had a dream that I had died. But I was also still alive. (You know how cooky it can get in dreamland.) I needed to conceal my dead body so that no one would find out that I was dead. I don’t know why nobody could find out I’d crossed over, but I know it was critical to keep it a secret.

So I put my corpse in a body bag and sealed it up. Then I sealed it even more in plastic because I didn’t want anyone to find out I had died from the smell of the body (disgusting, but true.) Then I put the body bag in a FedEx box and taped it up. I had to go to a trade show to exhibit at a Team Northrup booth that weekend and for some reason I had to take the box with my body with me.

I showed up at the booth to set up with a big smile on my face so no one would suspect anything was wrong. I then proceeded to cover the FedEx box with my dead body inside with glitter and incorporate it into the display so no one would find out what was really going on. And then I stood all weekend with a plastered, fake smile pretending that a part of me wasn’t dead.

It’s amazing how our subconscious begins to knock louder when we’ve been ignoring her for a while. I don’t usually remember my dreams, yet I can still remember every scene of this one with vivid detail. There was a lot going on in my life at the time. I was in a position in Team Northrup, a business I’d grown with my mother and my aunt, that no longer felt right. Yet I was terrified of telling anyone because I thought I would hurt them or let them down. I was going around pretending everything was perfect, covering it in glitter and a fake smile, while a part of me was not just dying, it was dead.

After having this dream I mustered the courage to tell my team, specifically my mom and my aunt, that our arrangement no longer felt good. And you know what’s amazing? When a situation is no longer serving you it’s not serving the other people involved either. Trying to remain in a role that I was outgrowing was keeping other people small too. My body bag dream and subsequent truth telling allowed us all to grow in ways that have been breathtakingly expansive.

In the last two and a half years with the help of practice, heart opening, faith, and some amazing coaching, I’ve gotten better and better at telling the truth. Now, most of the time, instead of manifesting illness because I’m afraid to speak up, I have the courage to say what I need to say in the moment. Though I have the occasional tell-tale dream still, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that, I’m far more aware of what’s going on in my life, what needs to change, and who I need to say what to in my day to day life. And I actually say it now, with grace and love, instead of stuffing it.

I’ve learned that the truth isn’t scary. Instead, I realized that the truth changes lives. It heals us. It opens us. It reveals blessings and new doors of possibility. And it sets us free.

So I continue to meditate with my butt on truth every morning. I ask truth what she’s got for me that day. Some days I obsess about my to do list. Some days nothing comes. And some days she’s extremely generous and I get a big old wisdom bomb either on my little truth tuffet or at some other point in the day. And every time I do I’m grateful.

Find a way to sit your ass down and get in touch with the truth. Find a truth tuffet, go for a walk in the woods, do a little dance in the stillness of your room, get out some paper and let your words flow, or simply ask. The truth is there for us anytime. We just have to be willing to sit with, or on, her and ask. Then tell someone else the truth with love and grace. Rinse and repeat.

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P.S. Today is the last day to hop over and get some inspiration gratis from Bec Robbins’ Secrets to Lasting Happiness interview series that I participated in with some of my favorite girlfriends and teachers. Click here to grab it while you still can!

But one of the most important lessons of all: freedom is an inside job

This summer I had a chance to experience it first hand – in a dressing room. Of all places.

I took a branded shopping trip with my friend and colleague Kristen Domingue, creator of Ignite, a boutique style and brand consultancy. She specialized in helping women entrepreneurs link their style to their brand, and their brand to their purpose, so they KNOW they are attracting the right clients, on and off-line.

Given that I do so much speaking, and dress from my suitcase-cum-closet, a little style pit stop felt like a good idea.

After filling out her extensive brand assessment, and talking about my brand and purpose with her, she hit the streets and set aside clothes that were aligned with my core message. Clothes for dates, for speaking gigs, for working with clients, and just plain old hittin’ the road.

We had a lot of fun, broke a few sales associate hearts. And more than that, I realized we are aligned on something important.

I believe that freedom is something that happens inside of you when you tell yourself the truth (about money, love, etc.), and then align your life with that truth.

Inviting Mike on the Freedom Tour? Truth.
Starting the freedom Tour? Truth.
Taking a break this summer? Truth.
Not doing a daily video blog? Truth.
Cutting my hair? Truth.

And as a result, I am feeling more like me, and more free than I have in a long time.

Kristen totally understood that – in fact – just like I believe freedom is an inside job, she shares that branding is an inside job: the outer expression of your internal purpose; aligning your brand with your purpose leaves you free to have the kind of business and life you really want.

I mentioned in another post that this year, I launched a new business partnership, ended another one, then ended the one I had just started, experimented with being homeless, and fell in love.

With all that transition, my brand was a little hard to nail down.

But I can tell you for sure, my essence wasn’t.

It’s in stripping away everything that wasn’t me that the truth of my loves, likes, dislikes emerged. Which meant that while we saw tons of cute clothes, I felt most like me when we took an off-the-plan stroll into Cathryn Malandrino (a personal fave of mine) and I fell in love with a dress I wore to dinner that night, and then to a wedding the following week. It felt so much like me, that I bought it in 2 colors.

There is something magical about finding a dress that compliments you perfectly, fits you like a glove, and truly looks like you to the most important person of all: you.

And as I transitioned all year, a magic is emerging on The Freedom Tour that has it “fit me” just like my Cathryn Malandrino.

This year on The Freedom Tour (just like in the dressing rooms,) I tried on, I took off. I looked for the right fit, color, cut and shape.

I didn’t settle.

And I found freedom in the perfect little black (and peach!) dress…

What I noticed about Kristen in our time together, is that she is committed to getting down to the core essence of a person. She doesn’t want you to just look good, she really wants you to have something that fits YOU.

She’s offering a tele-class about this called Magnetic Branding. On it, she’ll share exactly how to infuse your brand with your purpose – your truth – and how this creates more freedom in your business and life.

Click here to register for it:

Magnetic Branding
November 8th at 3 pm EST

More than anything, I do The Freedom Tour to inspire you to find the keys to your own freedom. I know this tele-class is one tool to help you do that.

Click here to register now.

Letting go is scary.

The thing about letting go is that it’s scary. Even if we’re not completely thrilled with what we’ve got already, at least we know what we can expect with it. Even if holding on means living a bit smaller than we know we’re capable of, not being quite as happy as we suspect might be possible, or feeling ever so much more mediocre than we’d hoped, at least we already know what it feels like. And there’s a seductive, if false, sense of safety and control that comes from knowing what to expect if we stay just exactly where we are.

There’s nothing familiar about letting go, on the other hand. There’s a vastness and there are grey areas and at least a bazillion unknowns. Letting go is choosing d), none of the above, while not having the foggiest idea as to what that might look like.

Going home.

In August I decided I was going to move back home to Maine. I started telling my friends and family. I started making plans. I met with a real estate broker. I researched the rental market. I found a yoga studio in Portland that I really liked. I had practically sent a “Save the Date” for my housewarming party. It felt warm. It felt cozy. It felt safe. It felt depressing.

Uh oh. I thank God for my unwavering trust in the wisdom of my emotions. Within twenty-four hours of my realization that my decision to move “home” was making me feel contracted and depressed, I hatched a new plan.

Untethering.

Inspired by a serendipitous overlap with Chris Guillebeau, author of The Art of Non-Conformity (a highly recommended read), in Portland, Maine, and a dinner with Danielle Vieth, my friend who’s living a largely untethered life quite successfully, I decided to let go.

I’m letting go of agreements, conscious and unconscious, that don’t make sense anymore. I’m letting go of a physical home and living anywhere in particular. I’m letting go of the plan I’ve always had to move back to Maine and have babies. I’m letting go of my lifelong obsession with always having a plan. I’m letting go of most of my physical stuff and as much of my emotional stuff as is possible in this moment, too.

(Please note that the choice to write letting go in the present tense is intentional. It’s a process, not an event. Some days my knuckles are white and I don’t appear to be letting go at all. Some days I’m cutting more cords than an obstetrician doing a double shift.)

One must only be willing.

I’m finding myself on a letting-go roll. Once I was willing to let go of the big stuff (my apartment, living my life according to others’ desires or expectations, and not seeing my own worth, just to name a few) I started to feel really free. My willingness to walk away from what no longer serves me (everything from being a New Yorker to outmoded ways of seeing myself) has uncovered a sense of unlimited possibilities bubbling up. At times I feel practically carbonated with sheer potential.

(I use willingness intentionally here, too. In Barbara Stanny’s Overcoming Underearning she notes that one of the major steps to achieving financial success is being willing to let go of your “ledge.” For some, the ledge is a job. For some, it’s a marriage. For some, it’s a business partner. For me, it’s my apartment and the expired agreements that are attached to it. Stanny points out that sometimes it never becomes necessary to truly let go of that ledge, but it’s our willingness to do so that puts into motion the changes necessary to be free.)

The freedom of letting go.

As I begin to peel my fingers off my ledge I feel like I’m being granted permission to be more myself. I’ve had more business ideas, more creative impulses, and more inspirations in the past several weeks since I began this process of letting go than I’ve ever remembered having. Am I waking up from time to time totally terrified and convinced that I’m crazy to consciously choose to be homeless and drive around the country indefinitely? I sure am. But I’m chalking it up to an Upper Limit Problem and moving on.

I feel lighter. I feel energized. I feel hopeful. And I feel free. I always thought I felt free before but I hadn’t realized the degree to which my compass was set to a True North dictated by what I was holding on to and unconsciously allowing to define my life. And my willingness to let go of those things and reset my True North to the magnetism of my own dreams and desires seems to have set me free on a far deeper level. Ms. Joplin was on to something when she sang, “Freedom’s just another word for nothing left to lose.” When you’re willing to let it all go you find out what’s underneath all of that stuff. When you’ve stripped off enough layers and are truly willing to lose it, then you get to feel free (and go hang out with Bobby McGee).

Your turn.

So, whaddya think? Are you ready to let go with me?

If you answered yes, here’s a quick exercise to get you started. Get a pen and paper and actually do the exercise. Don’t just think about your answers. Just trust me, it works much better when you write it down:

• Write down something big you’ve been holding on to because it feels safe or comfortable but that, deep down, you know has you shackled.  (I can almost guarantee that the first thing that popped into your head is it. Even if it scares you, write it down. You don’t have to let it go right now. Just write it down.)

• What do you get from holding on to this thing? Write it down.

• What would you feel like if you let go of this thing? What would it allow you to do that you don’t feel like you’re able to do now? Write it down.

• Are you willing to let go of it? Write yes or no. (No is a perfectly fine answer. Sometimes it’s just not time yet.)

• If you answered yes to the last question, what is one specific action step you can take right now or very soon towards letting go of this thing? (For example, you could write it down and burn the piece of paper as a ritual, you could write a resignation letter, you could put your house on the market, you could have a conversation you’ve been meaning to have for a while, etc.

• Do the action step immediately, or if that’s not possible, schedule it in your calendar for sometime in the next week.

I can’t guarantee you’ll feel free right away. Instead you might feel nauseous or as though there’s no floor under your feet. That’s okay. Hang out in the void for a while. Cry or write or dance or scream. Or cry while you’re writing and dancing and screaming. Just stay willing to let go. And when the angst and groundlessness passes, enjoy the hell out of the freedom that’s just on the other side.

FREE Teleseminar on letting go.

Want more? Join my mom, Dr. Christiane Northrup, Team Northrup, and I for a free teleseminar on The Freedom of Letting Go on Tuesday, November 16^th from 8:00 – 8:30pm EST. Rsvp@teamnorthrup.com to reserve your spot and for call-in details. (If you’re a Team Northrup member there’s no need to RSVP.)

Leave your stories, insights, answers to the bulleted questions, and results from your action steps below. Tell me what you think. I’m interested. Seriously.

How many bras do we really need? and other thoughts on letting go: Glimpse TV with Bindu Wiles from Kate Moller on Vimeo.

Laurie Gerber, president of the Handel Group, joined me on the roof last week to share the number one mistake people make when having tough conversations (and how to avoid it), why the truth is so sexy, her life’s mission to make the world a better place, and so much more. Enjoy the episode!

The Biggest Mistake People Make In Tough Conversations: Glimpse TV with Laurie Gerber of the Handel Group from Kate Moller on Vimeo.

The Handel Group has some fantastic events coming up that I highly recommend if you’re ready for life-changing, earth-shattering, world-rocking transformation (or if you even want to take a baby step in that direction). Email molly@handelgroup.com or call her 201-389-3314 to get your questions answered and to register and receive $25 off the Urban Retreat this weekend and $50 off the Coaching Crash Course if you mention my name and/or Glimpse TV.

First off is the Warrior Body Urban Retreat with Patricia Moreno and Laurie Gerber: two of my favorite things combined into one day! Join Laurie, and Patricia for an inspiring and practical workshop & workout which combines an exceptional life coaching approach with a revolutionary fitness program. Through physical exercise, deliberate thought, affirmations, open discussions and exploration, we will bring together the command of your body, mind and spirit to set in motion a life you love in a body you love!

Sunday, Oct 17, 9am – 4:30pm at Equinox, 43rd St. & Fifth Ave., NYC $200

Second are the Life Coaching Crash Courses that are being held in NYC and California.  This weekend course will immerse you in some of the main components of the Handel Method™  and will give you a serious wakeup call in life if you have been coasting. This course is highly engaging and is one of the quickest ways to set your life on a new and exciting trajectory. Frankly, it is the best course they have available.

Course Fee: $400 for entire two-day workshop

NYC, NY (at the Benjamin Hotel) Sat & Sun, Oct 23-24, 9am-4pm

Laguna Beach, CA Sat & Sun, Nov 6-7, 9am-4pm

NYC, NY (at the Benjamin Hotel) Sat & Sun, Dec 4-5, 9am-4pm

Register by contacting Molly: molly@handelgroup.com or call her 201-389-3314.

Have you told the truth lately? How did it go?

What’s the most challenging part about telling the truth for you?

What makes telling the truth easier for you?

LEAVE A COMMENT!

*I am a proud affiliate of the Handel Group.*