About a month before our wedding I got a book in the mail with a beautiful brunette on the cover.
I get a steady stream of books to review, and sometimes I do so in a timely manner. And other times not so much.
Technically, I didn’t have “time”to be diving into a new book. I had so much to do — prepare for the wedding, wrap up business so that I could take time off after the wedding — reviewing a book wasn’t really on my priority list.
This one, though, called to me more than the others. The title, Playing Big, whispered to me from my coffee table until finally I picked it up a few days after it arrived.
I was hooked after the first few pages. I spent mornings in June sitting on our deck eating my breakfast, alternating between underlining poignant passages and dabbing my eyes as tears of recognition pooled.
Within the first chapter I had a running list of women in my life who needed this book (including me!). The way that author Tara Mohr describes the subtle and insidious ways that we as women, especially sophisticated women, play small made me want to stand up and shout:
“Yes! That is SO TRUE!”
Here’s what I love about this book: It’s not just theoretical. Tara offers really smart, practical advice for playing bigger in our lives.
And in case you get tired just thinking about playing big, it doesn’t have to be what you think.
Tara defines it like this:
Um, yes please! I’ll have some of that. You with me?
I recently had a chat with Tara on Glimpse TV about her new book and what playing big really means for women today. I was so nourished by our conversation. Today I’m sharing it with you, knowing that you’ll find Tara’s words as resonant as I have.
In today’s episode of Glimpse TV Tara and I talk about:
When you order Tara’s brilliant book before October 13th, you’ll get immediate access to three bonus videos that will help you identify your calling, incorporate some Playing Big strategies in your every day communications, and more before your book even arrives.
Plus, you’ll get access to two live Q+A calls of coaching and deep dives into Playing Big directly with Tara.
Click HERE to get your book and learn more.
Which of the ways that smart women tend to play small feels most familiar to you? What’s one specific way you’re ready to start playing bigger in your life? Leave a comment below. Tara and I would love to hear from you!]]>
When I was envisioning our wedding a year ago I decided to keep the bridal party simple and have my two sisters stand up there with me. I’d made a mental list of the important women in my life and realized that I could either have 15 bridesmaids or 2. There really wasn’t much in between. So I went with 2.
Investing in and maintaining close, meaningful friendships is at the core of my being. I have friends who I met before either of us were potty trained. I recently cancelled a speaking gig and lost a boat load of money because it was so important to me to witness a girlfriend of 10 years get married. It was money well worth losing.
Given my proclivity to making and keeping friends, I get asked about building a network a lot. People say, “You’re so social and you seem to know everyone. You make friends so easily. How do you do that?”
When I tell them the truth, they’re usually surprised.
No, it’s not diagnosed or anything. But it’s real.
I would so rather speak in front of thousands of people than go to a cocktail party where I don’t know anyone. The idea of going to a wedding where I only know either the bride or groom and I don’t have a date gives me palpitations.
I was nervous about talking to waiters and waitresses, let alone striking up a conversation out of the blue with a random bystander. I started my network marketing business at the tender age of 18 I realized that I would need to learn to talk to strangers in order to be successful.
I really wanted to build my business. My dream of creating financial freedom by the age of 30 so that I could stay home with my kids one day and live abundantly was ripe.
I started going to a counselor who specialized in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT.) We would sit in her chintzy living room and I would go through probably half a box of tissues per session, at least.
We role-played. She gave me assignments each week.
She recommended a book to me that totally changed my life: How To Talk To Practically Anyone About Practically Anything by Barbara Walters.
(It’s out of print and relatively expensive to get a copy but well worth it.)
Here’s what I learned from Barbara Walters that helped me move through my social anxiety and build my treasured community (I much prefer that word to network):
A few years ago I was at SXSW. I was one month into The Freedom Tour, had been blogging less than a year, and ran into Gretchen Rubin at a party. I’d read her book The Happiness Project in one sitting on a plane to France because I found it so delightful and engrossing.
I was star struck. I was totally nervous to be talking with a NY Times Bestselling author and super successful blogger.
So I remembered Barbara and started asking Gretchen about her kids. Before I knew it, I’d forgotten that I was talking with a celebrity.
Gretchen began telling me about her wacky and wonderful obsession with miniature things. She described these whimsical little dioramas of rooms, cityscapes and other scenes that she’d created within her kitchen and bathroom cabinets. (I’ve since learned that she’s written and shared about this extensively but at the time, it was completely news to me.) I was completely bewitched by the idea of going to grab a handful of almonds and being greeted by a tiny world living on a shelf inside the cabinet.
I have no idea if Gretchen remembers the conversation or me, but that’s not the point.
The point is this:
When you strip off your own layers of pretense and ask people real questions about their real life as a human being, you create connection.
Connection is the greatest intangible currency we have. It’s what we live for. And it’s within our power to create it whether we’re checking out at the supermarket or interacting with senior executives during the biggest meeting of our lives.
If you ever experience social anxiety remember this: everyone is human. Start there and you’ll do great.
Do you ever experience social anxiety? What have you done to get over it that’s worked for you? I’d love to hear your tips and I know everyone else would too! Please leave a comment below.
I don’t know about you, but with all the book launch hub-bub, I’ve really, really missed Glimpse TV. I’ve still been shooting episodes because I just LOVE it and I can’t stop asking people I love who are doing interesting things in the world questions!
Today is a special day because I’m sharing a cozy chat I had with Kris Carr, NY Times Bestselling author of Crazy Sexy Diet and Crazy Sexy Kitchen.
The first time Kris was on Glimpse TV I didn’t know her. She showed up at my little studio apartment on 16th and 7th in NYC, we chatted for a bit and then I made her put on her coat and come up to the roof with me to shoot. It was January 2011. We were freezing. But Kris was a total champ and I have to say, it was kind of love at first sight.
I can’t believe it’s been nearly three years since that interview. (The link is at the bottom of this post should you care to take a gander at our rosy cheeks and visible breath.) It’s kind of mind blowing how much can happen in three short years.
During this time Kris’s star has risen in a big way. She’s had not one, but two books hit the NY Times Bestseller list. She’s travelled the world rocking the mic with her hilarious, poignant, and wise keynotes. (If I’m speaking at the same I Can Do It! as her I always organize my schedule around seeing her speak. I love it so much that I simply can’t miss it!) She’s built a house. She’s hung out with Oprah a few more times. And she’s adopted another member of her family (more on that story in the episode below.)
Here’s what I love about Kris:
Kris helped me mastermind my book launch and always has brilliant insights about speaking, writing, and other platform-building activities. She’s built a Crazy Sexy Empire over the last several years and she’s now giving all of us an insider’s peak at how she did it.
Kris’s new creation, The Spotlight Crash Course, gives you the tools and insight you need to get your message out into the world.
My intention was to pop on down to Woodstock to interview Kris about Spotlight. But, you know, she’s just so fun and delicious we had to talk about a bunch of other things too.
In this episode of Glimpse TV you’ll find out:
Click below to tune in to the episode!
“When you come at anything with violence, nothing bountiful is produced.” ~Kris Carr (Tweet it!)
Find out about The Spotlight Crash Course where you can get proven advice and strategies from Kris & her inner circle of agents, producers, publishers, creative coaches, publicity & speaking experts, and colleagues.
Your message matters. It’s time to step into your spotlight. Click the image below to get a sampler of three free audio sessions, including What Every Book Proposal Must Have with my editor and dear friend Patty Gift.
The course is 25% off until December 20th so if you have an inkling it might be for you, be sure to head over and check it out now.
And now over to you…
Do you have any go to strategies for choosing what to say yes to and what to say no to?
Leave a comment below – I’d love to hear from you!
Oh, and here’s that original Glimpse TV episode with Kris. Cute, eh?
If you want to read the original post that went with this video, HERE it is!
P.S. Mike and I are presenting a FREE WEBINAR tonight, 12/17, at 8pm EST about the upcoming RESET Challenge: Destination Transformation that I’m participating in and leading a group in starting in January. It’s all about getting rid of your sugar cravings, releasing unwanted belly fat, and committing to a lifestyle of sustainable health. Click HERE to register.
It turns out that most of our life circumstances are a choice. We can bitch and moan all we like, but when we’re really honest we’ve made a decision, conscious or unconscious:
to stay at that job that sucks our soul
to stay with that person who doesn’t bring out our best
to stay on the couch instead of taking a walk
to stay exactly where we are.
Part of my creation of and embarkation upon The Freedom Tour was a conscious move toward simplicity. I sold an apartment, got rid of two-thirds of my belongings, and decided to be homeless indefinitely. I bought a Prius, filled it with the stuff I thought I would really need, and then threw in a few extra pairs of shoes, a sunny outlook, and an open heart. Then I said goodbye to life as I knew it.
There’s a feeling of fullness that comes from letting go that can’t be replicated in any other way. (Click to Tweet)
What I got from cultivating simplicity via releasing what no longer served me (books, clothing, a home, a city, business agreements, and some psychic contracts) was a lot of space for what did serve me.
I’ve heard it told that nature abhors a vacuum. First you must be willing to let go of what’s no longer working in your life (physical, spiritual, emotional, whatever, what have you.) Then most of the time you’ve actually got to let go of it. (And no, breaking up with your dead-beat boyfriend and then texting him for late night sleepovers does not count as letting go.)
And then this beautiful thing happens. You sit with the discomfort of the empty space (be it a cupboard, a slot in your schedule, or a place in your heart.) You get your chakras all spinning in the right direction. You get your vibration running on high.
Then the universe, God, Goddess, the Divine, all that there is, the great beyondananda, or whatever you want to call it brings you something better. Often way better than anything you could have imagined in your wildest dreams.
When I did all of my letting go in early 2011, I sat in my empty apartment and sobbed the night I left New York. The vacuum felt pretty painful at first. As each person left my apartment, holding something of mine that I’d let go of, I felt a bit panicked. What if I end up needing that thing that I’ve just given away?
I of course followed my fear of needing that thing that was walking out the door all the way to its inevitable end-point:
What if I’m making a huge mistake and my life is over? What have I done?
And thinking that thought felt extremely painful. So I reminded myself that not only was my stuff in very good friends with all of my loved ones, but I could come back to New York City any time and pick up right where I left off.
Surrendering to the great unknown of emptiness freaked me out. And it made me feel free. And in that freedom and open space I manifested great love with a man I adore, a much deeper connection to my worth, a trust in my voice I’d never found before, more money, a book deal, and a life I’m in love with.
Remember, nature abhors a vacuum. The emptiness will be filled with great if you’re willing to give up crappy, ho-hum, or even good. The sheer act of releasing something that no longer serves you is a giant message that you know you’re worth more. It’s like a smoke signal of your divine value.
A year and a half after starting The Freedom Tour on February 2, 2011 I’m probably due for a new vacuum. I’ll begin with my t-shirt drawer and shoes and see where it goes from there. The great thing about letting go is that you can start anywhere.
Vacuums are transferable. If you want to attract more clients, try cleaning out your sock drawer. If you’re looking to increase your income, see if you can create some extra space in your garage.
Let something go. Even if it’s little. Create a vacuum. Send that smoke signal declaring your divine worth out to the ether. Sit with the emptiness and feel what that feels like. And then relish the beauty that manifests as nature fills that vacuum with goodies.
And please report back.]]>
KC Baker and I first met when we worked together in Team Northrup starting in 2005. This well spoken, poised, champion for women has been a dear friend of mine for seven years. And today I’m so thrilled to share the work that she’s doing in the world with you guys via Glimpse TV. I’ve seen KC through many iterations of her personal and business life since I’ve known her. What all of her pursuits have had in common is that she’s deeply committed to supporting women in bringing their highest selves into the world AND that she’s a total rock start entrepreneur.
Because if you’ve got something to say but you don’t know how to say it powerfully and in a compelling way, your mission will be thwarted from the beginning. But if you combine your mission in the world with poise, confidence, grace, presence, and superb communication skills, then people will really be able to hear what you have to say and you’ll make a far greater impact.
So KC certainly has plenty of people to support in moving through their discomfort and fear towards grace and power. As a prep for her upcoming events, Speak Up For Your Business (an 8-week speech writing course that I’m thrilled to be part of the faculty for) and The School For The Well Spoken Woman LIVE, KC is rolling out a free video training series covering the following juicy topics and more:
Sign up by clicking here to receive KC’s free Secrets to Confident, Graceful Public Speaking video training course. You’ll also have a chance to apply for her upcoming programs. Speak Up For Your Business begins May 12th and The School For The Well Spoken Woman LIVE is happening in San Francisco and NYC (you pick your location) in July.
Back in February KC flew across the country to snowy Wainscott, NY to snuggle up with Mike and me for a week because she got a download in her meditation one day that this would be the perfect thing to do. We cooked, we talked, we walked on the beach, we all wrote around the fire, and of course, we filmed Glimpse TV :)
Watch our episode below to find out:
Watch KC’s TEDx talk that I mentioned in the Glimpse TV episode below:
I’m so thrilled to be a part of Speak Up For Your Business and to be joining KC, Barbara Stanny, my mom, Dr. Christiane Northrup as a guest speaker. This 8-week course is also included when you enroll in The School For The Well Spoken Woman LIVE so check that out by clicking here.