I’ve done some version of annual review and planning every year since I can remember. When I was growing up, on December 31st my family would sit in a circle on the living room floor on sofa cushions. We would turn out the lights and my mom would put on some of her woo-woo chanty music (which, of course, I listen to now in adulthood.)

She had a huge book with a soft leather cover that looked like she got it off the shelf at Hogwarts. Our New Year’s Eve ritual began by lighting a candle for the year past, a candle for the year to come, and a candle for the present moment. I remember sitting across from my sister watching the light flicker on her porcelain moon face as we set our intentions as a family.

We each went around and shared completions from the previous year: things we wanted to acknowledge that had happened. For my sister and I they included things like taking our first ballet class or sticking with soccer for an entire season. For my parents they included trips they’d taken or career related accomplishments. My mom would write them all down in the sacred Hogwarts book as we spoke.

Next we shared our intentions for the new year. My dad would voice a yearning for more time out on his sailboat. My mom would share something about the book she was working on. My sister and I would talk about play dates and adventures in the woods.

Each intention was uniquely our own, distinct by stage of life, proclivities, and soul qualities. Each one was recorded in the Hogwarts book for posterity. As a little girl the fact that my dreams were being written down in a big leather bound book made them feel important. It made me feel magical. It wired into my psyche that I can have what I desire. But first, I have to speak up about it.

This past Saturday I sat with a group of women at an event called Radical Sexy Self Care that my friend Thea cooked up. We started the morning going around the table sharing a brag (something we wanted to celebrate about ourselves), a gratitude, and a desire. What struck me the most was that before stating her desire, almost every single woman at the table said, “Wow. This is hard.”

At what point in time did we let it become hard to desire?

When I was a little girl peaking across our little family candle lit coven at my sister it wasn’t hard for me to say what I wanted. I didn’t judge myself for wanting a pink tutu, to play fairies in the woods, or to take a trip to Disney World. I didn’t censor my words. I didn’t put a lid on my glitter and ribbon little-girl desires. My mom wrote my annual desires in her big leather book right next to her financial goals, intentions to deepen her relationship with my dad, and career aspirations. They were important, valuable, and most significantly, right by sheer virtue of the fact that I’d dreamed them up.

Listening to the women on Saturday struggle to state their desires was sad at first, but immediately liberating as soon as they gave themselves permission to say them out loud. My little girl did a twirl each time one of these women let themselves want what they want.

If you don’t have an annual review and planning practice, I invite you to do one this year. Nothing compares to the feeling of being well digested after acknowledging everything that happened in the previous year. And if you have even one creative cell in your body that wants to set something in motion, whether it be a business, a relationship, or a new spiritual practice, you have to let yourself want it first.

Creating a safe, loving container where you’re allowed to want what you want may be the most powerful thing you could ever do for yourself.

When setting goals, laying your intentions, or writing your 2013 desire list (however you want to say it), here are a few things to keep in mind:

• Make it a ritual. Light a candle. Get out some glitter and crystals. Play some chants. Find a Hogwarts book of your own. Make it sacred, like you.

• We tend to over estimate what we can do in a year but under estimate what we can do in a decade. What would it feel like to intentionally leave white space this year?

• Let your little girl come to the planning party. She’s unabashed about her desires. She’s playful. She’s wise. And she hasn’t yet forgotten who she is. Listen closely to her and weigh her desires for rainbows and unicorns just as heavily if not more so than your profit margins and client counts. (My friend Nisha Moodley wrote beautifully about exactly how to include your little girl in the planning party here.)

• Remember that every goal or intention we set is based on some way that we want to feel. Focus on the feeling more than the thing. There are a million ways to create the feeling of freedom that you crave. Releasing your grip on exactly how that feeling will come to pass is one of them. (Danielle LaPorte’s Desire Map drops today. This guide will teach you exactly how to chart your life to feel the way you want to feel more often.)

• Include the people in your life who are most important to you. Plan with your hubby. Ask your daughter what she desires for the next year. At the end of your life you’ll probably remember your candle lit New Year’s Eve with your partner and your kids more than some of the stuff you manifested. Share the love.

Do you have other annual review or planning tools that you love?

Is it hard for you to state your desires? Is it easy? Why?

How do you want to feel in 2013?

Share your thoughts in the comments below!

To someone somewhere you look like you have it all. Your website makes their mouth water. Your pictures on Facebook make them yearn for adventure in their life. Seeing you makes them crave more.

Feeling jealous is part of being human but what we do with this emotion is a choice. (Click to tweet)

There are plenty of religions and spiritual practices that would have us believe that to want something another has is wrong. I’d like to suggest otherwise.

I’d like to suggest that noticing the good that someone else has got going on is a reminder of what you desire. It’s a clue as to where to point your ship as you steer your life. It’s a sign that you’re a living, breathing, emotive human being.

When you find yourself envying another, remember:

• Someone, somewhere, wants what you have too. Take a moment to be grateful for how amazing your life is right now. Notice specific things that you appreciate and breath them in to your grateful body.

• Embrace your envy. It’s great information that will help you make decisions to move you towards more of what you want in life and to steer clear of what you don’t.

• You always have a choice as to which kind of jealous you’re going to be: the bitter kind who resents someone else for what they have, or the trusting kind who celebrates the success of another as an affirmation that if they can do it, so can you.

When you think the grass is greener at your girlfriends house or in your competitor’s business, get out your hose and water your own grass.

Channel your desire for what someone else has into practical actions that will get you what you want. When used this way, envy can be used for good instead of evil.

And remember, as my dear friend Danielle LaPorte reminds us, most of the time we have goal setting all backwards. We make our Bucket List or our 5-year plan and fill it with accomplishments, things we want to buy, people we want to meet, babies we want to have, and trips we want to take. But the only reason we want any of these things is because we think that having them is going to make us feel a certain way. It’s the same with envy. We’re actually craving a feeling that we think the person we’re jealous of is having.

Next week Danielle launches The Desire Map. It’s a guide to determining the way you truly want to feel so you can use that as your compass to craft your life. I was lucky enough to get a sneak peek of the program and, in a word, it’s genius. It will revolutionize how you make choices and help you think in a new way about your life that will make things easier.

Danielle is hosting a 3-day launch event for her revolutionary program that starts next Wednesday, December 5th. Pop on over to her site to get on the invite list. It’s a party that you won’t want to miss.

Whether you choose to locate your true desires using Danielle’s process or not, remember that your envy is simply a beautiful reminder of what you truly want. Don’t try and ignore it or it will seep into your cells and recycle into resentment. Or worse, numbness.

Don’t use it as fuel for your woe-is-me-fire.Instead, remember that your envy is a guiding light. Use it that way and it will become a trusted friend instead of a feared enemy.

Don’t forget to get on Danielle’s invite list for The Desire Map launch event happening next week (it’s all virtual – no travel necessary).

In the comments below, let me know what you think of jealousy and envy. How do they make you feel? Do you have a story of channeling these seemingly negative emotions into positive action? I’d love to hear your thoughts!

Danielle LaPorte speaking at the World Domination Summit.

I just returned from Portland, OR to Portland, ME. (Despite my home town often being referred to as the “other” Portland, the Oregonians named their fair city after us.) I very enthusiastically attended the World Domination Summit (WDS), author and traveler Chris Guillebeau’s annual conference for bloggers, travelers, change-makers, and others who dub themselves non-conformists. It was a festival of the unconventional.

Here’s what I love about this gathering: its a community where being uncool (aka 100% yourself) is applauded. There were some freak flags flying this weekend and it was breathtaking and life-enhancing.

I sat this morning attempting to write a post digesting the weekend’s events and take-aways, but I find myself at a loss. So much inspiration, so little time.

So instead, I’m sharing the profound words with you via poignant quotes from WDS. And guess what – they’re all Tweet-ready! Just click the quote to Tweet:

The only true currency in this bankrupt world is what you say to someone when you’re being uncool. ~Almost Famous via Brené Brown

“The number one barrier to belonging is fitting in.” ~ Brené Brown

“Who you are will always trump who you think people want you to be.” Brené Brown

“Unused creativity is not benign.” ~Brené Brown

“Cool is mostly about self-protection.” ~Brené Brown

“I’m going deeper, not wider.” ~Danielle Vieth in reference to spending most of her WDS time with people she already knew instead of branching out. I did the same and felt guilty about it until she beautifully articulated what we were doing.

“The opposite of fear is not courage or bravery. It’s surrender.” ~Chris Brogan

“The more willing you are to look dumb, the better you look.” ~Chris Brogan

“You will succeed the weirder you get.” ~Chris Brogan

“Whenever your friends and family tell you what you’re doing is crazy, you know it’s good.” ~Daniel Noll and Audrey Scott of UncorneredMarket.com

“Personal accomplishment = great. Shared accomplishment = sublime.” ~ Daniel Noll and Audrey Scott of UncorneredMarket.com

“Love scales.” ~Danielle LaPorte

“There’s a time and purpose for being lost. If you don’t judge the being lost you get through it sooner.” ~Danielle LaPorte

“Your desires will very often be contradictory and so will your strengths. All of our contradictions make us whole.” ~Danielle LaPorte

“You don’t need to be burned out to go on hiatus.” ~Danielle LaPorte

“I don’t have it all. I have what I want. I have my version of it all.” ~Danielle LaPorte

“I would rather get out of the game than stay in the game to change the game.” ~Danielle LaPorte

“Nobody can tell your story the way you can tell your story.” ~Danielle LaPorte

“Keep your eyes on your own paper.” ~Nicole Antoinette, a new and enthusiastic long-distance runner

“Big sexy dreams are accomplished one very unsexy step at a time.” ~Nicole Antoinette

“There’s no cap on the amount of success that’s possible in the world.” ~Nicole Antoinette

So there you have it. WDS in one-liners. Have an unconventional day.

As human beings we are herd creatures. We crave connection, community, and a sense of belonging. Being part of a herd helps us feel heard (I couldn’t help myself) and helps us hear ourselves better too.

Part of this is biological: back in the day when there were saber-toothed tigers after us our survival depended upon us sticking together. That’s probably why we evolved to fear rejection (if the group rejects us we die, historically speaking.) And it’s probably why we’ve evolved to relish genuine, heart-centered connection so much.

My mom often says that community builds immunity.

She refers to a very interesting study that showed that the more varied, regular social group interaction a person has, the stronger their immune system. They counted the number of groups a person was a member of (a church group, the PTA, their immediate family, a yoga class, etc.) Then they measured the number of colds a person had during a year. (The way they determined whether or not a person had a cold was by weighing Kleenex. Disgusting and hilarious. Go science!) They found that the more social groups a person was a part of that they hung out with regularly, the fewer colds they had, and therefore the stronger their immune system. Move over Echinacea. I’m headed to my knitting circle to boost my immunity.

Last night I met with 12 incredible women in Portland, ME for our first Campfire centered around Danielle LaPorte’s new book The Fire Starter Sessions. It was a beautiful Maine summer night after a few days of rain and yet these women chose to circle up in the name of self-actualization instead of going outside to play.

Here’s why the evening rocked my world:

•  I put out a call with only a week’s notice and people came. I thought I’d have maybe 3-4 women and we had 13 including me. Many are called and sometimes more than you think choose to show up.

•  I arrived at 7 on the dot and the party had already begun without me. Women brought friends. Women showed up and saw acquaintances from around town they’d known for years but had never actually had an in depth conversation with before. And here they were baring their souls at the Campfire after having only said a simple hello in years past.

•  One woman’s vulnerability and sharing what was really going on for her gave permission to the next woman to go deeper into laying her truth out there for us. I got teary more than once listening to the brilliance and heart and verve in the room.

•  Almost every single woman said she had come for the connection and community. The recognition that we’re all after the same thing here on this human journey coursed through my veins and sent a delicious shiver up my spine.

•  Each woman shared something about wanting to go deeper, higher, more full out, be clearer, more truthful, more authentic, and more ~them~ as we delve into The Fire Starter Sessions with one another as our soulful cheerleaders. I was tickled pink to have this rocking group of women, most of whom don’t know each other, show up to stand for themselves and for the best versions of one another.

Here’s what I know about women coming together:

•  Seismic shifts happen simply from sitting in a circle, hearts and minds open, even if there’s not an agenda, specific purpose, or even anything in particular produced

•  The act of bearing your under belly gives the next woman permission to do the same and so on and so on until every person on the planet is set free from the tyranny of pretending to be something they’re not or live smaller than they know they’re capable of

•  No matter how much we’ve accomplished and how much we seem to “have it together” we all need support, love, and community. It’s a fundamental nutrient for thriving.

I’m nourished to the core from the gathering of these 12 incandescently beautiful women who came and put their hearts and souls on the line last night. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

We’ll be meeting for the next 4 months, ever 2 weeks, doing 2 sessions from Danielle’s book per gathering. If you couldn’t make our first gathering, never fear – our doors are open! You can email kathleen@katenorthrup.com and let her know that you want to get in on the Campfire goodness.

And, if you don’t live in Southern Maine (which chances are pretty good you don’t), start a Campfire of your own! Start a women’s jam session to come together and cheer each other on. Center it around a book that you’ve been dying to dive into, like I did, or just do it for the love of women and community.

Do it for your immune system. Do it for your heart. Do it for your soul. She will thank you. And so will all the other souls you circle up with. Surrender to the herd creature that you are and connect.

___________________________________________________________________________

Speaking of community and support, the deadline to get in on The Foxy Bod Program is this Monday, July 2nd (but if you’re on the east coast I recommend ordering by Friday to ensure you get your stuff in time to start.) It’s a 28-day experience of getting rid of your sugar cravings, wiggling off a few pounds, and soaking in the love and cheers of a group of foxy women egging you on to be the sexiest, foxiest version of yourself possible.  Click here to read more, or to sign up!

I devoured the book. Reading it every morning became my spiritual practice.

Then I read it by the fireplace because I figured it would help to ignite fires within my soul too. It did.

Then I read it in Hooters because, really, that place could use a little extra soul to go with all the boobs. Plus, the color on the cover kind of matches the shorts that the Hooters girls have to wear. (Note the shorts and rack on the girl to the right of the book.)

This book is the antidote to self doubt. The Fire Starter Sessions had my cells tingling from the first page. Every word, idea, and invocation has been curated to evoke our deepest hunger and deepest knowing. Part wake up call, part affirmation, part love letter, The Fire Starter Sessions will get you hot and bothered. This book is the ignition for the creative work still unborn on this planet that the world is so desperate for. Get the book and be reminded of your genius.

At Danielle’s launch party in NYC on Wednesday night she said:

“Your success is directly proportional to the quality of the relationships in your life.” ~Danielle LaPorte

(CLICK HERE to Tweet this quote)

There is a sea change happening here, people. Danielle is part of a new model that includes commitment to love, generosity, and spiritual actualization not in addition to business success, but as necessary ingredients for it. I was deeply aware and viscerally delighted by the fact that I was surrounded on Wednesday night by people committed to this same reality.

The night was glowy, love-filled, and beyond spectacular – thanks to the tone set by the guest of honor.

Here are some more photos from the evening for your viewing pleasure and to show you how you can expect to feel when you receive your copy!

ORDER IT NOW SO YOU CAN FEEL THE WAY WE ALL FEEL IN THESE PICTURES!

Also included at the bottom of this post is my Glimpse TV episode with Danielle from back in October. It is one of my most favorite and one of the most commented on and re-shared episodes in Glimpse TV history. If you have yet to see it, scroll to the bottom and enjoy!

My sister Ann and I totally psyched about getting our copies of The Fire Starter Sessions.

My friend Ms. Rich Happy and Hot herself, Marie Forleo, enjoying the hell out of celebrating Danielle.

My man Mike and I enthusiastically displaying our new copy of The Fire Starter Sessions.

Launch party co-hosts Marie Forleo, Gabrielle Bernstein, and Kris Carr kicking off the evening love fest telling Danielle how much they adore her and her work. How gorgeous are they?! How breathtaking is it to see super successful women cheering one another on?!

My man Mike, who drove from Pennylvania to be at the party, and the gorgeous Ms. LaPorte.

And finally, as Danielle, dubbed it: a love sandwich :)

Get your copy of The Fire Starter Sessions by clicking HERE. Permission to thrive, love letter, and antidote to self-doubt rolled into one.

And last but certainly not least…Glimpse TV featuring the Divine Ms. Danielle Laporte:

I’m starting my own Camp Fire, a Fire Starter Sessions group, in Portland, ME in May. If you live in Maine or know anyone who does, leave a comment below so I can start wrangling the Fire Starters Down East.

Leave a comment and tell me what lights your fire and your favorite quote from the book so far if you have it!