s Relationships | Kate Northrup

Category Archives: Relationships

You Get To Have This

You Get To Have This


While I’m on maternity leave I’ve asked some of my favorite, most trusted women to take care of my blog for me.  From Sept 9th – Nov 11th you’ll be receiving their weekly wisdom here on my site.

Today’s post is from my sister from another mister, Meggan Watterson.  Meg is pure love. She lives according to following her truth more than anyone I’ve ever met.  Its so awe inspiring to witness.

Meg’s newest book, How To Love Yourself (and Sometimes Other People), which she co-authored with Lodro Rinzler, is just out.  It’s an absolutely hilarious, poignant, and incredibly practical book on modern relationships.  Grab your copy here.

Being Meggan’s friend is a true honor.  That’s why I’m so excited to share her guest post on friendship and sisterhood today.  I treasure my relationships with women like Meggan and I completely agree with her when she says that time invested on these relationships is some of the best time ever spent.

Enjoy this salve to your soul post from Meggan Watterson!

I fell madly, and truly in love. And every time I told Kate some stunning thing he did or said, she repeated a phrase that let me fill with a crazy delicious warmth, like an inner-most light switching on, “You get to have this.”

That one phrase echoed inside me when she said it. It validated in the most powerful way that I am worthy of being loved like this – that we are all worthy of being loved with the kind of love that meets us completely.

Then in time, when that love needed to shift and change in ways I wasn’t ready for, I let Kate and our love-tribe of friends into the heartbreak in ways that were new for me. I leaned into feeling vulnerable and humbled, rather than being afraid or ashamed of it. I leaned into my heart and its wild mess of feelings so fully, that it miraculously expanded.

And I found that nothing gives birth to gratitude like the heart that has endured the flames of falling wholly apart. It’s only then that you see how much is always here for you.

An unexpected text, an email, a chain of voice-memos, a gift of new lingerie in the mail- all these seemingly small gestures of love from my love-tribe translated as enormous tributes to remind me of the love that I am. And my love for them in those moments would let this deeper truth, this larger-than-my-hope-for-my-love-life sweep through me.

The presence of my love for these soul-friends let me remember with awe- that I don’t know what happens next. That I don’t need to. That all I need to do is to dare to keep loving and being loved. That’s it. And it’s enough.

Because here’s the most profound diamond I was handed after that season of pain. What hurts the most, what the root of the root of the pain was for me was this- when a person leaves or has to shift and change their way of relating- there’s this tendency to think then that the love we experienced in the relationship is gone, or worse, was never real. And, that we have less to love in our lives – that our love for that person leaves with them.

But with the kind of unfaltering love that friendship gave me through my heartbreak- I got to love more not less. I got to take the love that was cultivated in the relationship with me. I got to continue to expand my capacity to love, which is maybe the whole cosmic point of a romantic relationship anyway, not to necessarily find our life partner- but to wear away at the ego so to expand the soul. I chose, and keep choosing, to not constrict.  To continue to allow only more love into my life in all of its forms. I got to live the truth that the broken open heart holds more light than the closed heart too afraid to break.  {TWEET IT}


There’s this passage in the Gospel of Mary Magdalene, when Peter, one of Jesus’s disciples, admits to Mary- something like, “We know the Savior (aka Jesus) loved you more than all other women.” This love for Mary Magdalene gave her authority in ways the other disciples didn’t get to have. So Peter asks her to tell them the words of the Savior that she remembers. And Mary responds, “I will teach you about what is hidden from you…” This response has always echoed in my mind as the voice of love, as the action that love takes in our lives. Ultimately, we recognize a true love, romantic or otherwise, because it illuminates aspects of ourselves that we couldn’t see on our own.

This is what the true love in friendship does- it expands the myth of what we think is possible for our lives. It sees with us, or even sometimes for us, what we are capable of, or of how much more we can ask for in our lives. In my experience the greatest investment I have ever made is the time, energy, heart, and soul I place into the relationships with these great souls I get to call friends.

We remind each other of what we’ve come here for- of our incandescent worth. We help each other remain at the frequency of true love, even or especially, when we feel our love has gone. We bring each other back to life. We reveal to each other what feels hidden or lost. We point each other back home to this blazing love inside us, this love that comes to meet us from within. We remind each other that this love that is love that is love isn’t in another person…it’s ours. We don’t let each other forget that feeling invaluably, decadently loved is our birthright. And that no matter what happens in our lives, we get to have this. We get to be this holy loved.

Check out my recent interview with Meggan where we dive right into recognizing we are all worthy of love and the need to source it from within ourselves!


5 Compelling Reasons To Put Down Your Cell Phone

5 Compelling Reasons To Put Down Your Cell Phone

I can be just as compulsive about looking at my cell phone as the next person. But a recent trip to a retreat center near Mt. Shasta that had no wifi and no cell service reminded me to re-evaluate my addiction (again). As I prepare for our baby to arrive (September 20th is the due… Continue Reading

Where does courage come from and how do we get some?

Where does courage come from and how do we get some?

I was being interviewed for a podcast last week and was asked if taking off on a road trip of indefinite length after selling all of my stuff was out of character for me, or if it was on course with my personality. (I did, in fact, do that in 2011. It was called The Freedom Tour,… Continue Reading


We were together. I forget the rest.

As it turns out, planning a wedding is not for the faint of heart. There are the logistics. And then there’s the emotional stuff. It’s really easy to perseverate on the logistics to avoid feeling the emotional stuff. I’ve noticed myself veer in that direction countless times in the last year and particularly in the… Continue Reading


The Infinite Possibilities in Saying “I Do”

I used to think that freedom meant boundlessness. I used to think it was like looking at a vast horizon with every possibility in the world. I used to think freedom meant the ability to choose literally anything at anytime… and to change my mind at the float of a feather. I’m about to make… Continue Reading