Category Archives: Personal Growth

What are you getting out of staying right where you are?

This past weekend I had the great privilege of attending Barbara Stanny’s Sacred Success Retreat. Her book of the same name is available for pre-order right now and will be featured on Glimpse TV in a couple of weeks — make sure you’re on the list so you don’t miss it. There are some profound truths about women and power Barbara shared with me that you’ll want to hear.

Barbara reminded us there’s an internal conflict when we say we want something but our  results do not match our desire.

We say we want love, but deep down what we really want is to feel safe. And love feels scary. So we stay single. And safe.

We say we want to lose weight, but deep down what we really want is to feel connected to our family. And our family has always been overweight and judged slim people. So we stay heavy. And connected to our family.

We say we want to get out of debt, but deep down what we really want is to feel like we belong. And our group of friends is always commiserating about how bad the economy is and how hard it is to get out of debt. So we stay in debt. And we feel like we belong.

We all have desires. I, for one, have an insatiable appetite. I bet you do too.

twitter_standingOur desires are sacred. (Tweet It)

Yet it can be incredibly frustrating to have had the same unrealized desire for years, and years, and possibly even decades, and still not have met it.

It’s likely you’ve made a vision board, written your “list”, meditated, repeated your affirmations, practiced guided visualizations, walked a labyrinth or two, penned your Morning Pages, asked for messages in your dreams, pulled Goddess cards, attended a ritual, Feng Shui’d your home, and consulted at least one astrologer/psychic/energy healer/intuitive person.

Am I right?

So why hasn’t “it” freaking shown up yet?

twitter_standingWhen we say we want something but we don’t have it yet, we’re getting something out of not having it. (Tweet it)

This is the critical question:

What do I get out of things staying just the way they are?

What is my payoff for not changing?

Beneath your desire, there’s a deeper desire running the show.

You may want to feel safe, loved, connected, or like you belong. I promise that if you look closely, there’s a deeper need being met by you not going for what you think you want.

These questions are powerful. When you ask them, you might be surprised, and even horrified by the answers. But they’ll be the keys to unlocking the life of your dreams.

For me what has come up when I’ve asked these questions in the past is that my payoff for staying where I am is that I get to be liked. I said I wanted to play bigger in business, but really I wanted to be liked. I said I wanted to unabashedly speak my truth, but really I wanted to be liked. See how this works?

Here’s the good news:

Awareness is all that’s required right now.

Bringing these deeper drives to light for observation is often all that is needed to make a change.

(When I became aware that what was driving me was my desire to be liked, I noticed a positive change in my behavior immediately. I re-calibrated my internal compass to point to growth instead of acceptance. I continue to remind myself that it’s safe to shine and that my true community will love me no matter what. And with each passing day I am indeed playing bigger and bigger.)

You don’t have to “work” on this.

You don’t have to spend years in therapy.

You don’t have to go talk to your inner child. (Though, feel free to!)

Simply ask the questions and be open to what arises.

Inquiry creates awareness. Awareness creates change.

Simple. Elegant. And, if you’re open to it, easier than you thought it would be.

Does this resonate with you? What are you getting out of staying where you are even though you may have said you want to be somewhere else? Leave a comment – I’d love to hear from you!

Share

How to achieve a really big goal & other tips on pursuing a quest – Glimpse TV with Chris Guillebeau

When you feel called to say yes to an invitation, even if you’re not sure why, simply say yes. Four years ago almost to the day my friend texted me that Chris Guillebeau was in my hometown, Portland, ME, on his book tour. I happened to be in Portland that day with my mom. (IContinue Reading

Share

My baby is one year old today.

My mom always says that a few years after I was born it was clear to her that she either had another baby or a book in her — but not both. I always wanted a little brother, so when I was younger that story kind of annoyed me. But now I get it. (Epilogue:Continue Reading

Share

Missing something? I’ve got your ingredients right here.

We need each other. There’s a lot of talk in the self-actualization space about masculine energy and feminine energy. When I first heard about this concept I got very tied up in worrying about which one I was using and whether or not I was doing it “right.” Most of the time I felt likeContinue Reading

Share

An intimate look behind the scenes of my business model

This week I’m taking my annual sojourn to Salt Lake City, Utah, the home of my product partner, USANA, for its international convention. I don’t talk a ton about my network marketing business, but since I’ll be posting a lot on social media this week about my USANA family and what we’re up to atContinue Reading

Share

Is it my intuition or is it my resistance? Here’s how to know the difference.

On the one hand, there’s listening to your body, your inner wisdom, your gut feelings, your intuition, or really whatever you want to call your divine instinct. And then on the other, there’s resistance. What’s the difference? This is something I grapple with daily. I’m a worker. I can push through and produce. I canContinue Reading

Share

I was stumped.

I’d always had a clear vision of what I wanted: a beautiful house on the ocean in Maine, an adorable (and adoring) husband, plenty of space to host friends and family, and dogs and babies running around. Plus, of course, the financial freedom to support it all so my (adoring) husband and I could beContinue Reading

Share

How are your petunias? On growing and dying.

This summer I’ve been home for two months straight for the first time possibly since my teens. As a result my “flower babies,” as I call them, have received a lot more attention. Deadheading Part of my morning ritual is deadheading my petunias. It sounds like something out of a horror movie but is actuallyContinue Reading

Share

Permission, intrinsic value, the act of creation, and making art: Insights from one wine-soaked conversation that changed everything.

It was that time in the evening when the wine and champagne had softened everyone’s edges and everything seemed to melt together a bit. We were seated at a round table laden with vegan brownie crumbs, and a lot of chairs had been abandoned in favor of the dance floor. My friend Marie and IContinue Reading

Share

We were together. I forget the rest.

As it turns out, planning a wedding is not for the faint of heart. There are the logistics. And then there’s the emotional stuff. It’s really easy to perseverate on the logistics to avoid feeling the emotional stuff. I’ve noticed myself veer in that direction countless times in the last year and particularly in theContinue Reading

Share