(That’s my mom and me on the left.)

My mom recently told me about working with her lawyer regarding a course she was teaching called Lightening the Mother Load: Healing Strategies for Daughters. He was trying to grasp what it was about and she started with:

“Well, think about your wife and her mother”

He stopped her right there with: “Say no more!”

The mother-daughter relationship is so ripe with opportunity for loving the gifts of the feminine unabashedly, for honoring the Great Mother and Mother Earth, and for the celebration of being a woman.

Is it a complicated relationship? Ummm, yeah.

Is it hard? Yep, a lot of the time it is.

Does it have the potential to be one of the most healing relationships in your life? You betcha.

You know what they say:

If it’s not one thing, it’s your mother.

The relationships or situations in our lives that are the most challenging are often the most fertile with opportunities for big love.

Our moms wouldn’t drive us so bonkers if we didn’t love them so fiercely. You were formed in your mother’s body. There’s no closer relationship on earth. You are, quite literally, her.

There are a lot of things that are easy to be grateful for about my mom (like how she always told Annie and I we could trust how we felt no matter what. This is the single biggest contributing factor to my being a sane, happy adult.) I’ve written her a private letter of gratitude that I’m giving her today that focuses on all the obviously amazing ways that she rocks as a mom.

But what about the gifts we’ve been given by our mother’s that, when we were given them, weren’t so obviously fabulous?

What if this Mother’s Day (that’s today) you decided to love your mom with vigor, unabashedly, as a way of not only celebrating her, but also as a way of shining some love on the parts of you that you have previously found unlovable?

I’ll start. Here’s a public letter to my mom to thank her for all the things she is or that I am that at some point in my life I have had a hard time loving.

It is not until we learn to love the hard to love parts that we really get what true love is.

Mom,

Thank you for the Hobbit Feet. I posted a picture of mine on Instagram yesterday and it sparked the most adorable conversation with someone else who’s whole family has them too. Even though I was embarrassed to wear flip flops as a teenager because I didn’t want people to see them, I get it now how awesome it is to be grounded like us. Thank you for that tap-root to Mother Earth. Thank you for my first chakra the size of Texas. Thank you for my wide, grounded, very much on the earth feet.

Thank you for laughing as loud as you want, no matter where you are or who is trying to shush you. I used to be mortified at the theater when the people in the row in front would turn around and glare at you to try and quiet you down. But now when I hear that same enthusiastic laugh come out of my mouth and people give me funny looks, I get it. I’m so grateful you never quieted down. Neither will I.

Thank you for not being like the other mothers. I so desperately wanted for us to be normal when I was a kid. And the truth is, it just wasn’t going to happen. Thank you for hanging out on the fringe, for doing ceremonies around the lunar calendar, for suggesting Imprint Removals and Divine Love Healings to clear up physical symptoms, and for believing in angels. Thank you for not wearing the matching Laura Ashley dresses with me and Annie even though we really wanted you too. Thank you for not caring what other people think. Thank you for being wacky and wonderful always.

Thank you for sticking up for me. I wanted to climb under a table and die when I found out you marched into my first grade class to set the teacher straight about telling the class we could only go to the bathroom at certain, pre-approved times. But it also engrained in me that I had a woman who would be there for me (and my bladder’s needs) no matter what. I knew I was safe. Thank you for letting me quit Junior Great Books. Thank you for letting me quit soccer and swimming and piano. Thank you for not letting anyone get in the way of me trusting myself and my body. 

Thank you for the very big shoes you’ve given Annie and me to fill. There are some days when I think it would beeasier if I didn’t have such a lofty legacy. Then I would be more comfortable with mediocrity. And life would be easier in certain ways, but oh so boring in others. Thank you for playing full out, saying things that others are too afraid to, and for being a pioneer. Thank you for setting the bar high in your career, and more importantly, in your life. I’ve seen you give up good for great many times. I shall continue to go for great in your honor (and in mine.)

You have been, and continue to be, the most perfect mother for me. Thank you for being all of you and for letting me be all of me.

Love,

Kate

It is not until we learn to love the hard to love parts that we really get what true love is. (Tweet it.)

What have you inherited from your mom that you used to not be happy about? How has it been a gift in the end?

This book is designed for little girls to learn how magical and perfect their bodies are. And it’s also designed for women of all ages to be reminded.

At some point within the first few years of being born, you knew you were completely beautiful and lacking in nothing. Then, if you’re anything like 99.9% of women out there, you forgot somewhere along the way.

I was so happy to interview my mom for the latest episode of Glimpse TV to chat about how women relate to their bodies, how we can improve our relationships with our bodies, and how we can help the little girls in our lives love themselves.

Watch the video below to tune in to our conversation.

Then, go grab your copy of Beautiful Girl.

Everyone who purchases the book will get a free pass to attend a 2-hour live online event on Thursday, January 24th where I’ll be joining my mom and my sister Ann. The event will be lead by my mom, Dr. Christiane Northrup, and is entitled Feeling Beautiful.

In the comments below please tell us about your relationship with your body and one thing you’re going to begin doing to love yourself more and inspire the little girls in your life to do the same.

P.S. Speaking of learning to love your body, have you joined the party over at TheFoxyBod.com yet? I’m sending an email inviting only the people on that list to an exclusive webinar I’m doing tonight at 8pm EST. You won’t want to miss it so be sure to join the list at www.thefoxybod.com now so you won’t miss the announcement later on this afternoon.

A few years ago, though, my mom, my sister Ann and I decided not to do gifts anymore on Christmas. Each year the gift giving continued to escalate.

My mom would get anxious that she hadn’t bought enough. I would spend way more than I intended to. My sister would get stressed out. My mom would stay up too late wrapping. I would wake up with an over-spending hangover round about January 2nd.

The truth is, giving had ceased to feel good. We’d all succumbed to the sneaky habit of over-giving.

My sister Ann is helping me with the edits on my book. (She’s a genius and she also edited Danielle LaPorte’s The Desire Map. You can find her HERE.) One of the key concepts of my book, Money: A Love Story (Hay House, 2013) is that in order to receive more value (and money) we need to give more value.

Ann asked me a brilliant question:

How do you tell the difference between giving more value in the world and giving too much?

Luckily, the answer is simple. Your body will tell you. Your feelings will be your guide.

Imagine one of those fountains that spurts out water and then collects it in a reservoir beneath. The water then gets recycled and sucked back up through the fountain to spurt out again. It’s a beautiful, self-contained water spurting and saving mechanism. Good for aesthetics. Good for Mother Earth.

Now picture a garden sprinkler. Water comes through the hose and spurts out onto your perennial beds. The perennials soak up the water but as long as you have the sprinkler on you need a constant source of new water. The sprinkler does not replenish itself.

When we’re over-giving we’re the garden sprinkler. The first few spurts might feel great and our little pansies wake right up and are very happy to be hydrated. But after a while the water stores bgin to get low.

Here are some sure fire signs that you’re over-giving:

• you feel resentful
• you feel unappreciated
• your throat, chest, solar plexus, or belly feel constricted
• you start to get shoulder pain (from holding too much of a burden)
• your breathing isn’t free and easy
• you look at your bank statement or credit card bill and feel icky and hungover
• you feel irritable
• you’re totally exhausted, physically and/or emotionally

What if you’re part of a family that does give gifts for the holidays? What if, like me, you’re a generous person but don’t want to cross the line and become an overworked, rusty garden sprinkler busting her butt for her pansies without so much as a thank you?

Here are some practical steps to stopping over-giving in its tracks and get right back on the generosity train:

1. Give yourself plenty of time for gift planning, shopping, wrapping, and/or creating if you’re a DIY type. One of my favorite things is to look for gifts for people all year long. I may buy my mom’s birthday gift in March even though her birthday isn’t until October. I may start keeping an eye out for Christmas gifts in July. It’s when we rush that we tend to overspend, get anxious that we didn’t buy enough, and feel resentful. Give yourself the gift of time first and then you can give from an open, abundant heart.

2. Next year, implement a few new family traditions that don’t include giving gifts, but instead allow you to enjoy one another’s precious presence. Some ideas to share with your family in lieu of gifts:

• take a trip together
• create a slideshow of favorite moments from the year
• share gratitudes from the previous year
• share your desires for the coming year
• spend time talking about your favorite moments from the year
• get out in nature and enjoy one another and the beauty of the season

3. When you’ve already spent more than you intended to, stayed up all night cooking, cleaned your house for 4 days without anyone noticing, or you’re just not feeling so hot and you suspect you may have been bitten by the over-giving bug, simply stop doing what you’re doing.

• Take a moment alone, ideally in another room or outside.
• Close your eyes and breathe deeply.
• Feel your breath refueling and nourishing your cells with precious oxygen.
• Tap into the endlessly renewable resource that is your breath and your own presence with yourself. Even 3 minutes of this will give your body the message that you’re there for you. Then you can get back to spending time with your loved ones in a sustainable, feel-good kind of way.

Do you have other ways of avoiding or halting over-giving that you’d like to share? Leave a comment below and let us know what it is!

P.S. Last week I announced a new project I’m working on about self-love and feeling your hottest in 2013. Check it out and join the party by clicking here.

I’ve done some version of annual review and planning every year since I can remember. When I was growing up, on December 31st my family would sit in a circle on the living room floor on sofa cushions. We would turn out the lights and my mom would put on some of her woo-woo chanty music (which, of course, I listen to now in adulthood.)

She had a huge book with a soft leather cover that looked like she got it off the shelf at Hogwarts. Our New Year’s Eve ritual began by lighting a candle for the year past, a candle for the year to come, and a candle for the present moment. I remember sitting across from my sister watching the light flicker on her porcelain moon face as we set our intentions as a family.

We each went around and shared completions from the previous year: things we wanted to acknowledge that had happened. For my sister and I they included things like taking our first ballet class or sticking with soccer for an entire season. For my parents they included trips they’d taken or career related accomplishments. My mom would write them all down in the sacred Hogwarts book as we spoke.

Next we shared our intentions for the new year. My dad would voice a yearning for more time out on his sailboat. My mom would share something about the book she was working on. My sister and I would talk about play dates and adventures in the woods.

Each intention was uniquely our own, distinct by stage of life, proclivities, and soul qualities. Each one was recorded in the Hogwarts book for posterity. As a little girl the fact that my dreams were being written down in a big leather bound book made them feel important. It made me feel magical. It wired into my psyche that I can have what I desire. But first, I have to speak up about it.

This past Saturday I sat with a group of women at an event called Radical Sexy Self Care that my friend Thea cooked up. We started the morning going around the table sharing a brag (something we wanted to celebrate about ourselves), a gratitude, and a desire. What struck me the most was that before stating her desire, almost every single woman at the table said, “Wow. This is hard.”

At what point in time did we let it become hard to desire?

When I was a little girl peaking across our little family candle lit coven at my sister it wasn’t hard for me to say what I wanted. I didn’t judge myself for wanting a pink tutu, to play fairies in the woods, or to take a trip to Disney World. I didn’t censor my words. I didn’t put a lid on my glitter and ribbon little-girl desires. My mom wrote my annual desires in her big leather book right next to her financial goals, intentions to deepen her relationship with my dad, and career aspirations. They were important, valuable, and most significantly, right by sheer virtue of the fact that I’d dreamed them up.

Listening to the women on Saturday struggle to state their desires was sad at first, but immediately liberating as soon as they gave themselves permission to say them out loud. My little girl did a twirl each time one of these women let themselves want what they want.

If you don’t have an annual review and planning practice, I invite you to do one this year. Nothing compares to the feeling of being well digested after acknowledging everything that happened in the previous year. And if you have even one creative cell in your body that wants to set something in motion, whether it be a business, a relationship, or a new spiritual practice, you have to let yourself want it first.

Creating a safe, loving container where you’re allowed to want what you want may be the most powerful thing you could ever do for yourself.

When setting goals, laying your intentions, or writing your 2013 desire list (however you want to say it), here are a few things to keep in mind:

• Make it a ritual. Light a candle. Get out some glitter and crystals. Play some chants. Find a Hogwarts book of your own. Make it sacred, like you.

• We tend to over estimate what we can do in a year but under estimate what we can do in a decade. What would it feel like to intentionally leave white space this year?

• Let your little girl come to the planning party. She’s unabashed about her desires. She’s playful. She’s wise. And she hasn’t yet forgotten who she is. Listen closely to her and weigh her desires for rainbows and unicorns just as heavily if not more so than your profit margins and client counts. (My friend Nisha Moodley wrote beautifully about exactly how to include your little girl in the planning party here.)

• Remember that every goal or intention we set is based on some way that we want to feel. Focus on the feeling more than the thing. There are a million ways to create the feeling of freedom that you crave. Releasing your grip on exactly how that feeling will come to pass is one of them. (Danielle LaPorte’s Desire Map drops today. This guide will teach you exactly how to chart your life to feel the way you want to feel more often.)

• Include the people in your life who are most important to you. Plan with your hubby. Ask your daughter what she desires for the next year. At the end of your life you’ll probably remember your candle lit New Year’s Eve with your partner and your kids more than some of the stuff you manifested. Share the love.

Do you have other annual review or planning tools that you love?

Is it hard for you to state your desires? Is it easy? Why?

How do you want to feel in 2013?

Share your thoughts in the comments below!

“The universe loved me enough not to give me what I wanted so I could find out what I really wanted.” ~Agapi Stassinopoulos

The first time I remember becoming aware of Agapi Stassinopolous was when I saw a picture of her falling backwards onto a couch wearing a red dress in sheer bliss on her Facebook profile. I knew nothing about this woman, but I knew I wanted to know her.

And of course, as luck would have it, I found out that I would be speaking along with her and an abundant handful of other impressively inspirational folks at the Hay House Ignite conference coming up in March in San Jose (and again in November in New York City.)

I could go on and on about how warm, loving, genuine, hilarious, and contagiously joyful Agapi is (which you’ll see for yourself when you watch our interview below.) Since you’ll get a taste of it yourself, though, I’ll stick to a few juicy bullets on Agapi as an appetizer. Agapi is:

• The author of Unbinding the Heart: A Dose of Greek Wisdom, Generosity, and Unconditional Love, just published by Hay House this year
• A regular contributor to The Huffington Post
• Not only Greek herself, but also an expert on the Greek Gods and Goddesses and how we can use them to enhance our daily lives
• Very close with her sister, Arianna Huffington
• A trained actress (she trained at the Royal Academy of Dramatic Arts in London)
• Beautiful, inside and out

My dear friend, and previous Glimpse TV guest, Rochelle Schieck introduced Agapi and me and I was thrilled to have the chance to chat with her for Glimpse TV this past weekend. I walked in the door of her apartment and she immediately offered me lunch (so sweet!) and our conversation ran the gamut from love to spirituality to generosity to money to fame.

Tune in for this special Valentine’s Day episode of Glimpse TV to learn how to unbind your heart, a secret technique that Agapi uses to feel more free (she very rarely shares this with the public!), how acting in a bus changed Agapi’s life, and more. Then check out the links below to get a copy of Agapi’s book, connect with her on Facebook, and attend one of the many amazing events she has coming up to promote her book. I may see you at one or two of them!

Tweetables from this episode – simply click to share the love!

“We don’t have to wait for anyone to come and give us permission to have our gift.” ~ @agapisays w/ @katenorthrup on #GlimpseTV http://tinyurl.com/753rgw2

“Life is right now.” ~ @katenorthrup w/ @agapisays on #GlimpseTV http://katenorthrup.maryweise.com/?p=1620

“Don’t ever rush to decide on something.” ~ @agapisays w/ @katenorthrup on #GlimpseTV http://katenorthrup.maryweise.com/?p=1620

“I just give myself permission to trust.” ~ @agapisays w/ @katenorthrup on #GlimpseTV http://katenorthrup.maryweise.com/?p=1620

“Being still and calm is a great gift to ourselves and others.” ~ @agapisays w/ @katenorthrup on #GlimpseTV http://katenorthrup.maryweise.com/?p=1620

More Agapi:

Click here to buy Agapi’s new book, Unbinding the Heart

Click here to connect with Agapi on Facebook

Click here to connect with Agapi on Twitter

Click here to visit Agapi’s website and get your free guided meditation

Click here to RSVP for Agapi’s event with Deepak Chopra and Arianna Huffington in NYC on Wednesday, Feb 15th

Click here to RSVP for Agapi’s teleseminar with Hay House on February 22nd

 More thoughts or tips on opening your heart? Leave a comment and let us know what you’re thinking and feeling!