Immediately, this question popped into my mind:

What if, instead of looking for ways to escape, we decided to create lives we love so much that we want to stay fully in them? (Click to tweet)

Sandy beached resorts wink at us through turquoise blue eyes with the promise of “getting away from it all.” Many are seduced to leave themselves and their lives through any number of substances daily: alcohol, cigarettes, pot, sugar, pain killers, [insert drug of choice here].

When my parents met and were deciding where they wanted to build a life together they chose Maine. They chose Maine because they knew that they both wanted to spend their vacations in Maine. So, they figured, why not simply live where we would want to vacation anyway? Why not create a life that we want to live inside, instead of one we need to escape from?

How can we make our lives, even in tiny ways, more inhabitable?

How can we make them more inviting?

How can we craft a daily reality that makes us want to stay instead of leave?

I’ve got 4 ideas for you:

1. Stop trying to prove anything to anyone. I have a friend who, after years of struggling and striving in New York City, recently moved to the country. She realized she’d been trying to prove something and now she was done. Her new found ease is palpable in her skin, her eyes, and the way she stands. She chose to make her life a place she wanted to live.

2. Be you. I’ll never forget when I was in high school feeling frustrated with my sister. A close family friend pointed out that I would probably get a lot further in life by being myself instead of trying to not be my sister. Trying not to be my sister was exhausting. Being me instead created a life that was, and continues to be, far more hospitable.

3. Notice what triggers your escape plan. Who are you with when you find yourself wanting to drink? What conversation were you just having before eating that pint of Ben & Jerry’s? What were you saying to yourself as you bought the pack of cigarettes? When you say you really need to “get away”, what is it that you’re trying to leave? The answers to these questions will give you clues to what needs tweaking.

4. Easy does it. Your life does not require a complete overhaul in order for you to want to live it. Tiny changes make a world of difference. Frustrated with your current situation moonlighting as a server at a restaurant? Spend your off hours designing those dresses you’re always dreaming up for someday when you have the money to start your own label. The hours infused with creative juice will offset the hours spent taking orders. Your life will become more tolerable by the minute. And you’ll want to stay there because it will just keep getting better.

There’s nothing wrong with new states of consciousness, changes in scenery, and shaking things up so long as you’re pursuing them for expansion, not escape. Next time you find yourself craving an escape, stop and see how you can inhabit your life instead. It won’t happen overnight. But little by little you’ll have created a life you truly want to live in.

In the comments, share one thing you can do this week to make your life a little more livable. I’m excited to hear what you come up with!

P.S. Want to have a life AND a body that you love living in? Check out my newly launched Foxy Bod Program, a 28-day experience in slimming down while loving yourself up. Registration ends tomorrow and you won’t want to miss it. http://www.thefoxybod.com/program

 He’s about SELF-ACCEPTANCE as opposed to SELF-IMPROVEMENT.

As those words came out of his mouth I could feel my cells relax, their little mitochondria just taking a long, deep breath and laying down for a rest.

Two weeks ago I wrote about the possibility of over doing it when it comes to personal growth. And Robert’s simple, elegant quarter turn from improvement to acceptance was the perfect thing to punctuate this particular line of thinking I’ve been following lately.

It is not possible to beat ourselves into any sort of lasting change. We cannot judge our love handles enough to create a six pack. We can’t berate ourselves for a low bank account balance enough times to create abundance. We can’t self-flagellate ourselves into sustainable happiness of any kind.

I remember when I was growing up when I would be beating myself up about something my mom would ask me:

“Can you love yourself for beating yourself up?”

What a radical question. “Is it possible to love yourself right in that spot that you’re finding unlovable? And if not, can you love the part of yourself that can’t find that part of yourself lovable?” A mind bender, yes. But your heart actually says yes to this one.

“The wound is the place where light enters you,” wrote Rumi.

The part of you that you find the most unacceptable is where the most fertile soil for love lies. It’s our deepest shame, the areas in our soul or psyche we find the most distasteful that provide the warmest invitations for love.

I’m a woman who’s spent a lot of my life thus far trying hard to look like I have it all together. And it is only from this perspective that I tell you with the utmost assuredness:

Ironically enough, it’s the parts of ourselves we find unlovable that make us the most lovable.

I’ve received the most love from others when I’m falling apart. I’ve felt the most held when I was losing it. Time and time again, my imperfection has been an invitation, a well-paved inroad for others’ love. And the best part about that is that bringing my whole self forward, warts and all, helps me love even the parts of myself that I’ve previously felt were unlovable.

Let your soft belly be seen in the sunshine.

Wear flip flops even though you hate your feet.

Cry in public.

Let your mascara smudge.

Tell someone the truth when they ask you how you’re doing and the truth is that you’re not doing that great.

When we invite others into our own imperfection we give them permission to not only love us, but also to love all the parts in themselves that they don’t feel measure up.

It’s easy to love the parts of yourself that are hitting your monthly goals, being a great mom, keeping your sock drawer organized, and staying on top of your inbox. Don’t stop loving those parts. They need you too.

But today, and perhaps tomorrow, and the day after too, see if you can shine a little light of love on an area that you’re just not proud of. Take a good long look at a part of you that’s simply despicable and say, “I love you.” Focus on acceptance instead of improvement and enjoy the sweet surrender that comes with it.

Join me and 11 other women for the Love Yourself Naked Video Summit September 10-22nd. Each day for 12 days you’ll receive a free 20-minute video from women like my friends KC Baker, Alisa Vitti, Meggan Watterson, and myself covering topics such as truth, vulnerability, desires, compassion, and prosperity.

Ready to love yourself naked? Join us.

to stay at that job that sucks our soul

to stay with that person who doesn’t bring out our best

to stay on the couch instead of taking a walk

to stay exactly where we are.

Part of my creation of and embarkation upon The Freedom Tour was a conscious move toward simplicity. I sold an apartment, got rid of two-thirds of my belongings, and decided to be homeless indefinitely. I bought a Prius, filled it with the stuff I thought I would really need, and then threw in a few extra pairs of shoes, a sunny outlook, and an open heart. Then I said goodbye to life as I knew it.

There’s a feeling of fullness that comes from letting go that can’t be replicated in any other way. (Click to Tweet)

What I got from cultivating simplicity via releasing what no longer served me (books, clothing, a home, a city, business agreements, and some psychic contracts) was a lot of space for what did serve me.

I’ve heard it told that nature abhors a vacuum. First you must be willing to let go of what’s no longer working in your life (physical, spiritual, emotional, whatever, what have you.) Then most of the time you’ve actually got to let go of it. (And no, breaking up with your dead-beat boyfriend and then texting him for late night sleepovers does not count as letting go.)

And then this beautiful thing happens. You sit with the discomfort of the empty space (be it a cupboard, a slot in your schedule, or a place in your heart.) You get your chakras all spinning in the right direction. You get your vibration running on high.

Then the universe, God, Goddess, the Divine, all that there is, the great beyondananda, or whatever you want to call it brings you something better. Often way better than anything you could have imagined in your wildest dreams.

When I did all of my letting go in early 2011, I sat in my empty apartment and sobbed the night I left New York. The vacuum felt pretty painful at first. As each person left my apartment, holding something of mine that I’d let go of, I felt a bit panicked. What if I end up needing that thing that I’ve just given away?

I of course followed my fear of needing that thing that was walking out the door all the way to its inevitable end-point:

What if I’m making a huge mistake and my life is over? What have I done?

And thinking that thought felt extremely painful. So I reminded myself that not only was my stuff in very good friends with all of my loved ones, but I could come back to New York City any time and pick up right where I left off.

Surrendering to the great unknown of emptiness freaked me out. And it made me feel free. And in that freedom and open space I manifested great love with a man I adore, a much deeper connection to my worth, a trust in my voice I’d never found before, more money, a book deal, and a life I’m in love with.

Remember, nature abhors a vacuum. The emptiness will be filled with great if you’re willing to give up crappy, ho-hum, or even good. The sheer act of releasing something that no longer serves you is a giant message that you know you’re worth more. It’s like a smoke signal of your divine value.

A year and a half after starting The Freedom Tour on February 2, 2011 I’m probably due for a new vacuum. I’ll begin with my t-shirt drawer and shoes and see where it goes from there. The great thing about letting go is that you can start anywhere.

Vacuums are transferable. If you want to attract more clients, try cleaning out your sock drawer. If you’re looking to increase your income, see if you can create some extra space in your garage.

Let something go. Even if it’s little. Create a vacuum. Send that smoke signal declaring your divine worth out to the ether. Sit with the emptiness and feel what that feels like. And then relish the beauty that manifests as nature fills that vacuum with goodies.

And please report back.

I was moved by her passion and my own desire to help. I’m one of 60 contributors who wrote about love, knowledge, & freedom. (Guess which one I wrote about?)

Erin is spearheading a campaign to raise enough money to print, bind, and ship the books to prepare for End Sex Trafficking Day on September 26th, 2012 when the book launches. There are 15 more days in her campaign.

Donate $25 for love. Donate $25 for knowledge. Donate $25 for freedom.

Watch the video below for a 2.5 minute video on how this book will free women:

Here’s a little taste of my essay to whet your appetite:

Tell the truth. Say it with love. Say it even if you’re scared. Say it because you’re
scared. And then prepare yourself for true freedom.

Help Erin, the other contributors, and me remind the world that women are not for sale.

Click here to donate now.

If this is a cause that speaks to your heart, share this post on Twitter and Facebook, share the video about it, and please vote with your dollars.

YouTube Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-bnKhrVZ6tk&feature=youtu.be

Link to donate: http://www.endsextraffickingday.com/

Are you exhausted? Might be time to quit.

I remember when I was growing up, the other kids would tell me that they hated going to basketball or lacrosse practice, but their parents had taught them not to be quitters so they just toughed it out. I was always totally mystified by this. I had tried and quit just about every sport available and I had no problem with it. (The only thing I stuck with was tennis because I liked the skirts.)

What was the point in grinning and bearing it through hours of practicing something you had no intention of doing past graduation? What was the point of wasting hours of our precious childhood just so as not to be seen as a “quitter.” I just didn’t get it. It turns out, this same philosophy applies to my adult life (and perhaps to yours.)

I’m a quitter and proud of it. It means I’m in hot pursuit of my passion and purpose. It means I know what feels good and what doesn’t. It meant I value my time, my energy, and myself.

When I left on The Freedom Tour and told people I was going on an “indefinite road trip around North America” the most common question I got was, “For how long?” to which I would reply, “Until I’m done.”

In early September my man Mike and I decided not to go to Asia in Spring 2012 because it just didn’t feel right to either of us. So we decided to stay put somewhere for six months or so. We were already in Scottsdale, AZ and since I have family there and the weather is awesome in the winter, we decided that was our spot. We found a gorgeous apartment. We scouted yoga classes and rock gyms and juice bars.

Two weeks ago I was in NYC for Marie Forleo‘s spectacular event Rich, Happy, and Hot Live. I told my friends who I ran into on Friday night that I was moving to Scottsdale, AZ. Every time I said it, the response was, “Why?” And inside me every time I said I was moving there, I asked myself, “Why?”

Do you ever make a plan just so you can have something to tell people?

I called Mike that night and he told me my aunt and uncle were leaving Scottsdale and given that they were basically my only community there, it suddenly dawned on me that there was no good reason to move there. Moreover, it didn’t feel good, and quite frankly that’s all that matters.

Based pretty much all on instinct and what feels good, Mike and I have decided to move to Sag Harbor, NY. We’re actually going to sign a lease and stay put. I’m going to teach yoga. We’re going to eat vegetables, build solid businesses, and work out with consistency. (All of these things, and more, have been challenging on the road.) I’m going to write a book and hibernate.

Yes, it appears that that moment of “Until I’m done” has arrived. The Freedom Tour is winding down in absolute perfect timing.

Have I done everything I planned on The Freedom Tour? No. Absolutely not. In fact, the last nine months turned out nothing like I had imagined. They were better.

Those parents of my childhood friends might look at me and call me a quitter. This year I ended a business partnership that I’d invested three and a half years in. I ended another business partnership that I’d invested several thousand miles, several thousand brain cells, and several months in. I bowed out on an investment where I had a large chunk of change coming my way. I said no to a sponsorship deal with several zeros even though the paperwork had already been signed.  None of these things felt right anymore so I quit.

Call me a quitter. I welcome it.

Just like it makes no sense to spend an entire winter of beautiful afternoon hours in a stinky gym if you don’t even like basketball just so you won’t be a quitter, it makes no sense to keep doing anything that no longer feels right or feels good. Even if you’ve invested thousands of hours or thousands of dollars. Even if it will disappoint someone. Even if it used to feel like a good idea and suddenly it doesn’t anymore.

It doesn’t matter. I give you permission to quit. If you feel done, you’re done. That’s the only information you need. Let it go. Expand your expense allowance for “projects that I decided not to pursue further because they didn’t feel good” and simply write it off at the end of the year. Let it go. Move on. Quit.

There will never be a payoff after spending time, resources, and precious energy doing something that no longer feels good that will make it worth it. I promise. It just won’t happen.

So, I’m quitting The Freedom Tour as it currently exists. I don’t quite know what it will morph into, but I’m certainly not quitting on freedom.

Next up: an exploration of freedom within the structure of living in one place and having regular routines. Stay tuned.

What are you doing that doesn’t feel good anymore?

What are you doing that doesn’t feel right anymore?

What do you continue to do just so you won’t be a quitter?

Have you ever been called a quitter? Why?

What are you ready to quit?

What are you ready to let go of? Leave a declaration here!

Leave a comment. I can’t wait to hear what you have to say on this!