Category Archives: change

4 life-altering steps to create a life you want to live in.

The other day I heard a woman say that escaping her life every weekend to her mountain home was what was getting her through.

Immediately, this question popped into my mind:

What if, instead of looking for ways to escape, we decided to create lives we love so much that we want to stay fully in them? (Click to tweet)

Sandy beached resorts wink at us through turquoise blue eyes with the promise of “getting away from it all.” Many are seduced to leave themselves and their lives through any number of substances daily: alcohol, cigarettes, pot, sugar, pain killers, [insert drug of choice here].

When my parents met and were deciding where they wanted to build a life together they chose Maine. They chose Maine because they knew that they both wanted to spend their vacations in Maine. So, they figured, why not simply live where we would want to vacation anyway? Why not create a life that we want to live inside, instead of one we need to escape from?

How can we make our lives, even in tiny ways, more inhabitable?

How can we make them more inviting?

How can we craft a daily reality that makes us want to stay instead of leave?

I’ve got 4 ideas for you:

1. Stop trying to prove anything to anyone. I have a friend who, after years of struggling and striving in New York City, recently moved to the country. She realized she’d been trying to prove something and now she was done. Her new found ease is palpable in her skin, her eyes, and the way she stands. She chose to make her life a place she wanted to live.

2. Be you. I’ll never forget when I was in high school feeling frustrated with my sister. A close family friend pointed out that I would probably get a lot further in life by being myself instead of trying to not be my sister. Trying not to be my sister was exhausting. Being me instead created a life that was, and continues to be, far more hospitable.

3. Notice what triggers your escape plan. Who are you with when you find yourself wanting to drink? What conversation were you just having before eating that pint of Ben & Jerry’s? What were you saying to yourself as you bought the pack of cigarettes? When you say you really need to “get away”, what is it that you’re trying to leave? The answers to these questions will give you clues to what needs tweaking.

4. Easy does it. Your life does not require a complete overhaul in order for you to want to live it. Tiny changes make a world of difference. Frustrated with your current situation moonlighting as a server at a restaurant? Spend your off hours designing those dresses you’re always dreaming up for someday when you have the money to start your own label. The hours infused with creative juice will offset the hours spent taking orders. Your life will become more tolerable by the minute. And you’ll want to stay there because it will just keep getting better.

There’s nothing wrong with new states of consciousness, changes in scenery, and shaking things up so long as you’re pursuing them for expansion, not escape. Next time you find yourself craving an escape, stop and see how you can inhabit your life instead. It won’t happen overnight. But little by little you’ll have created a life you truly want to live in.

In the comments, share one thing you can do this week to make your life a little more livable. I’m excited to hear what you come up with!

P.S. Want to have a life AND a body that you love living in? Check out my newly launched Foxy Bod Program, a 28-day experience in slimming down while loving yourself up. Registration ends tomorrow and you won’t want to miss it. http://www.thefoxybod.com/program

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Warts And All

The other night I had a “spiritual nightcap” with Robert Holden, author of the bestseller Happiness NOW, among others. Beyond his incredibly charming British accent and unassuming sense of humor, I was struck by something he said:  He’s about SELF-ACCEPTANCE as opposed to SELF-IMPROVEMENT. As those words came out of his mouth I could feelContinue Reading

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The Value of the Vacuum

It turns out that most of our life circumstances are a choice. We can bitch and moan all we like, but when we’re really honest we’ve made a decision, conscious or unconscious: to stay at that job that sucks our soul to stay with that person who doesn’t bring out our best to stay onContinue Reading

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Setting women and girls free.

I received a beautiful email in January from a woman named Erin Giles on a mission. She asked me to write an essay on freedom to contribute to a book she’s putting together to free women and girls. The book was inspired by a film called Nefarious: Merchant of Souls about the human sex traffickingContinue Reading

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How to know when it’s time to quit.

I remember when I was growing up, the other kids would tell me that they hated going to basketball or lacrosse practice, but their parents had taught them not to be quitters so they just toughed it out. I was always totally mystified by this. I had tried and quit just about every sport availableContinue Reading

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Freedom is an Inside Job

The Freedom Tour has taught me several lessons about myself, love and life: But one of the most important lessons of all: freedom is an inside job This summer I had a chance to experience it first hand – in a dressing room. Of all places. I took a branded shopping trip with my friendContinue Reading

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Maybe Baby?

I got an email several months ago from leadership, relationship, and team coach Randi Buckley asking me if I would be willing to share my thoughts on having kids with her for a new coaching program she was cooking up. I immediately LOVED the concept and it made my cells buzz: The MAYBE BABY Program-Continue Reading

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Open this to change the world.

Today I’m writing in about something far more serious than my usual musings on self-actualization and freedom. Or am I? I’m part of a campaign of bloggers writing today about The Girl Effect, defined on the organizations site as “The unique potential of 600 million adolescent girls to end poverty for themselves and the world.”Continue Reading

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Glimpse TV gets naked for it’s birthday: Bindu Wiles Anniversary Episode

One year ago today I had the pleasure of interviewing Bindu Wiles for the very first episode of Glimpse TV. We had a giggly, sparkly time up on my roof in NYC with the gorgeous Dyana Valentine as our camera woman. (Watch Dyana’s Glimpse TV episode here and my second episode with Bindu here.) ExactlyContinue Reading

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It’s not going to turn out the way you thought.

It will happen later. His best friend will ask you out instead. You’ll be kissed in the movies instead of on a beach. You’ll end up going to a different school because the one you thought you’d get into didn’t work out. She’ll move away. Someone else will move in next door. She’ll be aContinue Reading

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